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A gallery of the truly bizarre and the painfully stupid.

 

 

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December 2007 Archives

1970-1979: The Ugliest Decade

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ZackMullet.jpg
Check out these super-classy portraits from the '70s!

I want a collage of them above my fireplace.



Also awesomely bad: The Awful World of Glamour Portraits (for those of you who reside in Foreignia, witness the horror that is Glamour Shots).

I would pay at least $100 to see glamour shots of Tim dressed like this. Or this (so butch!)


<3 Lil Jimmy Norton

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Jim Norton is awesome.

 

Who Farted?

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Honestly, this is one of those videos that I can't make it all the way through because I'm cringing too hard. But it did remind me of one of my favorite Achewood strips, When a Lady Does a :(.

Almost as good as Tim singing it

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Loyal Patrons of Cankles Restaurant

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Henson Your Friends (PART 2)

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Grainsiloguard is at it again....

 

 

You've been henson'd! Now pass it along to annoy your friends...

 

Merry Christmas, Freaks.

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Today, we have a Santa-themed series of links. 

Here is a picture of a bunch of Santas from far away.  I do not think they are wearing any pants.

I found a picture of Santas up close, but I do not think it is of the same group.  Then I found these.  I think, perhaps, this may be the most homoerotic Jesusmas ever. 

... wait for it... there's a Santa tie-in here.  Also, who put the dick on the snowman?

EW73 SMASH

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I know, it's not really, really DV material, until you suffer through the rest of the story.  Then you get THAT line, just tossed into the end. 

A link.

You Just Got Henson'd: From The Freakatorium

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Grainsiloguard from the message board created what I hope will become a new trend among you freaks: looping my annoying voice to make hideous youtube videos! You can spam your friends myspace or hide it in a url. Like: She Takes It All In Both Holes!!!!!

Can someome top this? Post your handy work (handiwork?) or discuss other possible DV youtube videos in the thread here.

 

Hipster Olympics

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Wock 'n' Woll Santuuuh

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A rockin' Christmas tune from Linda Finkle Hall of Fame classic, Jan Terri.

Tickle Fetish, Meet Beastiality

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A listener mention to me he has never heard me discuss the bizarre fetish of tickling. So to rectify that I began looking for funny tickling videos that I could grab audio from for the show. And then I found this video from one of the many ticklish fetish boards:



Crank That Kosha Boy

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Disclaimer: This is kind of stupid, but they can't all be comedy gold. It did make me laugh a bit; mostly the Jewwwwws! part.

Needs more mentions of Jew gold and a secret cabal that runs the media.

Masturbation IS the Anti-Drug

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Check out The Midwest Teen Sex Show. Because after listening to DV for a while, you probably need to be re-educated on the basics of sex.

She-Ra (SHE-RA)

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He-Man and She-Ra Christmas Special

You know about She-Ra right? (SHE-RA). In the spirit of the holidays, I discovered there was a 45-minute Christmas Special for He-Man and She-Ra! The first few minutes, all I could think was, "Wow, this is really gay. Really gay.  I mean, seriously, there's a guy saying, "I really think purple would look great up there, don't you?"

Anyway, the Christmas Special comes in five parts, feel free to watch them at your leisure. It's a throwback to your childhood of 80s television.  You can learn the meaning of Christmas, as told by aliens from a planet at the center of the universe full of magic, sorcery, and high technology.

You may be asking yourself, though, whatever happened to She-Ra, anyway? Turns out, she got pregnant, and well, we don't know who the father is. Thankfully, Maury is on the case. Piping in, we have Mummra, the Ever-Living, Skelator, and even Cobra Commander.

Oh, how the mighty have fallen.  I bet it belongs to one of those Street Fighter guys.  They're total deadbeats.

It's What Fistmas Is All About...

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Available right now from Amazon. For Realz. Thanks DV listener ThisBirdHasFlown for the gift giving tip!

Pregnancy makes people do crazy shit.

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Everyone knows the wacky Victorians loved to take photos of dead people.

Well, that practice continues today, with people photographing their stillborn babies and posting the photos on the internet. Fucking yay.

The Cinnamon Challenge

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The Cinnamon Challenge: Eat a teaspoon of powdered cinnamon without consuming any liquid.

Here's a producer trying it on the Opie & Anthony show:

And if you want to see a video I can't bring myself to watch, check out Baby Bird.

NEWSFLASH: Amy Winehouse does cocaiiiine

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I know this is a bit tame for DV, but I find this clip of British celebrity failure Amy Winehouse taking a bump of cocaine at a concert so hilarious. Maybe it's the contrast with the douches dancing around behind her.

P.S. Vote for DV at Podcast Alley!!!!

When Butt Implants Go Wild

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Bling, DV style. Only $425.

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gold-poop-pills.jpg
What might these be, you ask?  Some sort of wonderful pill that will turn you into YOGURT THE ALL-KNOWING, perhaps?

No.

It has, however, been dipped in gold.  And it has also been filled with 24-karat gold leaf. 

And you know why? 

It makes your poop sparkle.

For only $425.

The Near-Dead... On Drugs

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Tasty AIDS

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A prostitute discusses the recent discovery she has AIDS over a cob of corn. 

 

We all know that people that aren't from your own country and strange and different, and quite possibly, not even real people.  It's true.  Especially if their skin isn't an acceptably pale shade.  Then they're both not real, and potentially devil-people.  Devil people!

Here are some people with an acceptably pale shade of skin, but they're being.. well, I don't know what the fuck is going on.  The title of the video says it is an IKEA commercial, and gleaned from the video, it's a German IKEA commercial (as evidenced by the IKEA.de bit), but .. still.  What the hell.

Perhaps they could stand to learn English?  Hopefully, not like the Japanese do it.  Though, I suppose, if you want, you could always argue about it...

Oh, what the hell is this shit, now?  Ugh, ugh.

For New Parents

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You know, in case you weren't sure how to see if your kid crapped itself.

Distorted View Daily: 12/07/07

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Hey Freaks!

Enjoy the Friday show! lots of great stuff to share with you today! If you want more DV sign up for the Sideshow! I've got a weekend show for you coming up! Rawk!

On Today's Show:

- Ham For Jews

- Santa Loves Oral Sex

- Ho Ho Ho

Links:

2Girls1Finger: Great Reaction!

Email: show@distortedview.com
Voicemail: 206-666-4463
Podcast Alley: Get DV in the Top 10!

Listen To Today's Show: Distorted View Daily: 12/07/07

 

College Paper Gone Horribly RIGHT

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Class assigment: Movie Review!
Result:
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ISO Tornado JO Buddy

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A DV Listener sent this craigslist post in:

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Let's just leave why I thought of Germans and shit at the same time, and why I went looking for this old classic that makes me giggle to this day.. let's just leave those two questions to the ages and move on. 

Anyway, link.

(I am doing this with no pants on!)

Speaking of explosive shit, ok, Tim, I'll bite.


Canadian Workplace Safety PSA's

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Explosive Shit

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I am so tempted to loop this bad boy and add the Benny Hill theme song to it:

Mr. T and William Shatner pimp WoW

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Shatner, how do I hurl bolts of lightning?

CLICK HERE for a list (with pictures!) of the 25 most baffling toys from around the world.

My favorites:

#24: The Transsexual Doll:

penisdolls.jpg

(I just noticed... is the doll on the left laying on a grill? WhatTF?!)

#15: The Dicksled

dicksled1.jpg

#3: Strippers 'R' Us

childstripperb.jpg

You definitely have to check out the rest of the list, it's hilarious.

Alll right, I scored a touchdown.

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I know, I know, we've ALL seen it before, but the big shit-eating grin on Peter's face just makes me laugh every time.

Shipoopi!




Oh, and if you want the original, here's the .. strange.. version from the movie, The Music Man:

Shipoopi!

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My sister passed this on to me ... apparently this guy is a local insurance agent in the Seattle area and these commercials are actually aired on television:

There are TONS more where these came from right here, with another whole page here.


 

 

2004-2007 Tim Henson / Distorted View