April 2008 Archives

There's really no explaining this. 

SYDNEY (AFP) -- An Australian political leader broke down at a news conference Tuesday as he admitted that he had sniffed the chair of a female colleague, local media reported.

The woman involved in the incident, a Liberal Party staffer who does not want to be named, said Buswell sniffed the chair she had been sitting on at his Parliament House office in December 2005.

The incident took place in front of other staff and was done to get a laugh, she told the West Australian newspaper Tuesday after Buswell had refused to confirm the initial reports.

"I was shocked and outraged and I told him," the woman said.

Buswell has previously admitted to snapping the bra of a staffer for the Labor Party, which governs the state, and has been accused by a retiring lawmaker of making sexist remarks to her.

Source

There's no good reason to ignore this for so long, but that won't stop me from telling you why!  You see, first, I decided to move my computer.  Some shit broke.  After a few hours of cussing and bloody hands (I can't open a computer case without injuring myself like an emo girl) things were working.  Well, almost everything.  The CPU fan wasn't spinning.  That went poorly.  It was fixed after a week or so (it's very hard to track down a CPU fan for a piece of shit 7-year-old computer when you're working lots of overtime).

I got things working and played lots of simcity4.  Shut up.

I discovered Pizza Hut has pasta!  Holy shit!  It's good, too!  Sadly, well, the results are in this internet classic.

A Tunisian court is looking into an unprecedented rape case filed by a Tunisian family against a man who allegedly "raped" their daughter over the phone during an erotic call, press reports said on Thursday.

The defendant, 30, denied having ever touched the 20-year-old victim, but admitted that in one of their phone calls, while they were "totally into it," he heard her scream and say that a few drops of blood had come out of her.

Source

Koreans are REALLY FUCKING EXCITED ABOUT BIDETS

The dos and don'ts of pregnancy.

Benton County Inmate Says He's Not Getting Enough Food

Man Files Suit After Weight Drops From 413 Pounds To 308 Pounds

FAYETTEVILLE - A Benton County inmate claims he's wasted away from 413 pounds to 308 in the eight months he's been in jail and he's making a federal case out of it.
"There are noticeable differences on the size of biscuits and cakes, as well as the sides," according to Laswell, who also wants hot meals to be served from the jail's kitchen.

Source

A man has been arrested at a Kentucky petrol station after he was reported to be trying to pump fuel into an imaginary car.

According to reports, Louisville police found Joshua L. Moore at the petrol station, where workers alleged he had been trying to pump petrol into a car that wasn't there, in the early hours of Sunday morning.

Now what the hell could possibly be...

The officers immediately noted what appeared to be a strong smell of marijuana.

After being arrested, Moore was found to have 'two large baggies' of marijuana on his person, as well as an impressive amount of ecstasy.

Ohhhhh....

Source

The horror...

It starts off slow, but believe me, it gets better.

Authorities have charged a western Oklahoma sheriff with coercing and bribing female inmates so he could use them in a sex-slave operation run out of his jail.

Custer County Sheriff Mike Burgess resigned Wednesday just as state prosecutors filed 35 felony charges against him, including 14 counts of second-degree rape (DING!), seven counts of forcible oral sodomy (DING!) and five counts of bribery by a public official (DING! DING! DING!).

He could be sentenced to 467 years in prison if convicted on all counts, special prosecutor James Boring said, though a lesser sentence would be more likely.

Source

This is literally the worth thing on the entire Internet. I could NOT make it more than 27 seconds in. Holy shit.




P.S. LOL BUNT

Twenty-one condom wrappers from the 1930s and '40s. The names are awesome.

SURGEONS at a Philippines hospital are being probed after they allegedly filmed an operation in which a man had a spray can removed from his backside, then posted the footage on YouTube.

The video, which was taken down from the popular video-sharing website after several weeks, showed dozens of people in the operating theatre laughing and jeering as the surgeons removed the canister from the man's bottom, Deutsche-Presse Agentur reported.

The surgery was carried out at Vicente Sotto Memorial Medical Centre in Cebu City, 585km south of Manila.

Hospital spokesman Emmanuel Gines said the 39-year-old patient would get an apology for the incident on January 3, which was being investigated.

The video was initially thought to be a hoax until the victim went to the media this week.

The man, a florist, said he ended up with the spray can inside him after insulting his partner's penis size.

Source

I think someone brought this up on voicemail this week: the "Young at Heart" excuse me, YOUNG@HEART documentary is now a film. Like, in theaters. WTF?

Also, did you know that they have their own kazoo band? HOW ZANY!!!!!

"Playa59" is a real catch. He luvs WIMMIN. He don't like bein' WOKED OUT OWNN.

Trenita just... doesn't seem to match the words coming out of her mouth.

Mark has a pedo-stache and is a robot. RUN DATING.EXE BEEP BEEP BOOP BEEP

Crazy kids these days.

Given that 4chan invented RickRolling (OH NOES I'VE BROKEN RULE NUMBER 0 OR WHATEVRE), I wonder what percentage of the people there are pedophiles. I bet it's anyone in a Guy Fawkes mask.

A British Transport Police spokeswoman said: "We monitored the incident. There were no problems, no arrests. They did what they had to do and then left."

Haha, oh, how pissed do you think that lady was that she had to release an official comment about ~400 people singing "Never Gonna Give You Up" in train station.

Police in Cincinnati say it wasn't hard apprehending the criminal masterminds behind a break-in at a downtown sweet shop - because a helpful trail of candy and discarded wrappers led them directly to suspects.

Four people have been charged with breaking and entering. One of the four also has been charged with child endangering.

Police say 19-year-old Christine Ruther had her 7-week-old daughter with her when she and three others broke into Peter Minges & Son candy store Thursday. They are accused of taking about $400 worth of sweets.

Source

I read this story elsewhere today (although I can't remember where), and apparently this Mother of the Week used her baby's stroller to load up with the candy.

I'm suddenly craving M&Ms....

In case you've ever wondered where the sound effect came from.

ROYAL PALM BEACH, FL (AP) -- An arrest report say a 70-year-old man attacked an 81-year-old man with a pricing gun inside a Wal-Mart.

The report says Dennis O'Brien and John Esposito began arguing Sunday and O'Brien swung at Esposito with the tool in his right hand.

Authorities say Esposito suffered a swollen left eye and cuts on his nose and mouth.

Esposito said both he and O'Brien worked at Wal-Mart. He would not discuss the nature of their argument.

Source

Not even a decent title sequence could save Lost from the cavalcade of mediocrity it is

A SOUTH Australian father and daughter have revealed they are a couple, and have had a child together.

John and Jenny Deaves reunited 30 years after Mr Deaves separated from Jenny's mother.

Jenny was 31 and just two weeks after meeting, father and daughter had sex.

-----

Their nine-month-old daughter Celeste, shown on TV, appears fit and healthy.

Mrs Deaves said soon after reuniting with her father she began to see him as a man first and her father second.

"I was looking at him, sort of going, oh, he's not too bad," she said.

"Like you might look at a man across the bar at a nightclub."

-----

Mr Deaves admitted that he "initially" thought having sex with his daughter was wrong.

"Emotions take over, as people no doubt realise, there are times during your life where emotions do rule the heart, it rules the head," he said.

"I knew it was illegal, of course I knew it was illegal but you know, so what."

Mrs Deaves said the physical relationship with her father was like "a sexual relationship with any other man".

For Mr Deaves the sexual relationship was "absolutely fantastic".

Source (with photo!)

First the wombat rape, and now this.

A NEW Zealand man has been charged with assault after he threw a hedgehog at a teenage boy.

"It hit the victim in the leg, causing a large, red welt and several puncture marks,'' police sergeant Bruce Jenkins told the Herald on Sunday.

Shortly after throwing the animal, William Singalargh, 27, of Whakatane was arrested for assaulting the 15-year-old with a weapon.

Source

From engadget:

A man in Tulsa accidentally poisoned himself while using mercury to "extract gold from computer parts."

Demonic possession is rife in the animal kingdom too

(watch the drummer)

Another Distorted View update!!!!!!!

From the 3/31 show:
A married father of three faces indecency charges after allegedly having sex with a picnic table. Art Price Jr, 40, was seen doing the dirty with the garden furniture at his home in Bellevue, Ohio, on four occasions by a neighbour.

And now:

Charges have been dropped against the man who was accused of repeatedly having sex with a picnic table while naked in broad daylight - but he may yet face prosecution over the alleged table-sexing.
Federal indecency charges had been filed against Art Price Jr - but they have now been dismissed, after the prosecutor decided that the evidence didn't support felony charges.

The New York Times accidentally referred to the Large Hadron Collider as... well... see for yourself.

A Distorted View update!!!!!!!!!

From the 3/28 show:
A pair of hoax ads on Craigslist cost an Oregon man much of what he owned. The ads popped up Saturday afternoon, saying the owner of a Jacksonville home was forced to leave the area suddenly and his belongings, including a horse, were free for the taking, said Jackson County sheriff's Detective Sgt. Colin Fagan. But Robert Salisbury had no plans to leave.

And now:
A week after dozens of people ransacked an Oregon home in response to a Craigslist ad offering its contents for free, police have arrested a couple for orchestrating the online hoax as part of a bid to cover up an earlier burglary at the property. Brandon and Amber Herbert were nabbed last night for allegedly posting the March 22 Craigslist ad, which claimed that the Jacksonville ranch's owner had to leave town so suddenly that his belongings--which included a horse--were available for the taking. The Herberts, investigators charge, did this to cover up their prior theft of several saddles and other items from the garage of the rural southern Oregon house, which is owned by contractor Robert Salisbury.

http://www.pornfortheblind.org/

• Part 2
• Part 3
• Part 4
• Part 5

I've been gone for a while but that's not important. What is important however is that you watch the following video. I sent this clip into the show a while ago, right after I sent in the "Gays in the Army" clip from Brass Eye. The following video is from the 2001 Brass Eye Pedophile special, and it details the rap artist JLB-8: