December 2004 Archives
Hey freaks!
We're back with new shows today! Make sure to visit the Distorted View main site to watch our short films. The newest video, Night Owls: Episode 2, is quickly becoming the top downloaded of all-time. Thousands have fallen in love with three loveable whores. Now you can too. Now for the important stuff:
Coming up on the program today:
A woman who is truly koo-koo for Cornflakes,
a man walking around with his chest all blowed up for 85 days,
and finally, the Navy giving boob jobs! It's true!
Here's another best of show for you. I promise that tommorow will be a brand new, never-heard show. Don't hold me to that, because I've been known to lie.
It's Christmas Eve-Eve-Eve!
And with that, a new-old episode of Distorted View for you!
On todays show:
The Queefton School of Whorinary Arts!
What more can I say?
Distorted View:12/22/04 - The Queefton School of Whorinary Arts
Hey Freaks!
What a big, exciting day! First, Distorted View's new short film is officially online and viewable! You know those horrible late-night action shows like She Spies and VIP? They've all got scantily clad women running around, acting badly, using guns and looking sexy, right? I pretty much described Pamela Anderson's entire career. At any rate, Night Owls is my homage to this genre. By day the Night Owls are porn stars, but when the light turns to dark they become the Ladies in Danger: Crime Fighters / Dirty Sluts!
Just go to the distortedview.com and enjoy!
On Today's Show:
The festivities continue with another visit from the ghost of Christmas past! Santa Terrorist Attack! Oh yeah!
Hey freaks,
My new short film will be online sometime today! I've worked on it for about a month and I hope you'll check it out. It clocks in at about 24 minutes and is a continuation of another video I did called Night Owls. It's the story of three porn stars who fight crime at night. F'ing ridiculous! Just go to the main page: www.distortedview.com to access it in Windows Media or Quicktime formats.
Because of all the work in getting this video up, I'm taking a day off and playing a best-of podcast. Here it is, The 12 Lays of Christmas. Enjoy!
Hey freaks!
It's Friday! Enjoy the show because we've saved the best for last. We will be back on Monday to start a new week of DV for you. But don't forget to visit Distorted View during the weekend for the online release of the new short film, "Night Owls Episode 2". Good times!
On today's show:
Shopping for groceries? Don't forget to get faced jabbed with a little Botox injection. No double coupons.
Santa Claus is totally beating up elderly people. The near-death have been very naughty this year, I guess.
A man gets killed by his very own lava lamp. How is this even possible? Tune in to find out.
Finally, Tim's favorite news story of the week, and it involves cannibalism! Rock On!
Have a great weekend!
-Tim
Welcome to Thursday my twisted little freaky deakies. We've got a great show for you, and I'm not just saying that because it's my program. Ok, maybe I am. Check out what's coming up today and you be the judge!
Transvestites In flight!
Drunken women locking themselves in toilets!
Lumberjacks gone wild!
Plus: E-mail and Tim's new career as a singer/songwriter! Listen to the audiophonic magic right now!
Hey freaks,
Got a new show for you to feast upon. Sorry if I come off as a little tired, but I was...umm..tired. Who cares if I am a little sleepy on the show when we have the following morsels of insane stupidity:
Adolf Hitler had a soft spot for the Tea Cup ride.
A man swallows more than he could he chew...to the tune of 90 random metal items.
A woman breast feeds her pet dog. Why? Because she's fuckingh crazy.
All this, plus listener E-mail! It's a jam packed podcast!
I'm off to sleep!
-tim
Welcome to Tuesday, freaks! It's another day and another batch of stupid people doing stupid things! Enjoy!
Coming up on today's show:
Why are men falling asleep on fake women?
What could have possibly gone wrong during a nude photo shoot?
Why is Santa doing hard time in jail? And why is he begging the guards for doritos?
Why do the words 'adhesive' and 'penis' sound like a recipe for disaster?
Answers to all of these questions, whether you want to hear them or not, today on Distorted View Daily!
Welcome back, freaky deakies!
Hope you had a fan-fucking-tastic weekend! I'm well rested and back with yet more audio distortion for you.
Coming up on the show today:
Something on Britney Spears stinks and it's not just the rotting stench of her career. We'll get to the bottom of this mystery in our DV Pop News Update.
A man who believes he's a cat found himself stuck in a tree. Tune in for this puurrr-fectly stupid man's tale.
A woman was sent a human brain in the mail. No word on if the lion received his heart or if Dorothy got her three-speed oscillating dildo.
Finally, Germany is planning a gay and lesbian retirement home. Das Flamen Haus will open in 2006.
All of this plus your E-mails, today on Distorted View!
Hey everybody! Enjoy today's show and we'll see you back on Monday for an all new week of fresh DV's! Keep checking this weekend for some Best-Of material, perchance.
Coming up on today's show:
What's more fun than a funeral, you ask? An off-roadin' funeral! Yee-haw! Hell yeah, buddy.
Screwing his way through the U.K., one man bangs every woman he can find on Internet dating sites.
Plus, the Romanian Prime Minister wants to fuck your wife!
All of this plus much more on today's edition of Distorted View Daily!
Enjoy the show!
Distorted View Show: 12/10/04
Hey! It's our very first new show podcasting! I'm so excited! Hope you freaks enjoy the program and tell your friends about it.
Coming up on today's show:
Is flashing your breasts during your child's middle school hockey game inappropriate?
Plus, taking kidney stone surgey into your own hands. Poor people rejoice: an affordable alternative to modern medicine!
Also, a busy doctor fails to notice 47 stab wounds.
Finally, a sexy Norwegian couple stirs up more sexiness at court. Why were they at court? Because of public sexification.
Enjoy the show!
Distorted View Show: 12/09/04
I know a lot of daily DV listeners have no idea what podcasting is, so I'm happy to spread the word and give you guys a crash course on this new technology!
In it's simplest sense, podcasting is like having a blog. In fact, it is a blog. And in each post, there's a link to an mp3 file. You can very easily just click on that link and download the mp3, so anyone surfing on in can listen. Not much different from any other website, right?
Here's how podcasting is different. Using special software (a free download), you can "subscribe" to a podcast feed and every time a new show is available, the software will download it for you automatically. You can even have it load the new show into your mp3 player and listen on the go.
iPodder is a great piece of podcasting software. Here's all you need to do to get DV Daily on to your system everyday:
1) Download and install the software by clicking here
2) Run the program
3) in the box labeled "Add Feed Manually", type in the following: http://www.distortedview.com/show/index.xml
4) Click Add
There you go! You added Distorted View to your iPodder!
5) Just click "check selected feed" and the new shows will start downloading
You can also schedule specific times when ipodder should try to pull down new shows. You can have it download the shows while you sleep and in the morning you'll have a fresh dose of DV :)
There are some great feeds out there: comedy shows, news, politics, techie shtuff, it's all there! It's like personalized radio. Very cool!
Right now there are some Best-Of Distorted View shows up. Tomorrow (Thursday Morning), a brand new episode of DV will be up! If you were a fan of the daily show, join us again for more fucked up news, plus the return of Lauren, the drunken rat, and maybe even Blind Christian Boy.
Spread the word, my twisted little freaks!
-tim
Yet another Best-Of show! And please excuse the plain-looking website. I hope to make it a bit more snazzy in the next few days. But for now:
On this episode of DV:
Giving birth to your baby on camera...during a porno shoot. Oh yeah, it's true, and it's happening in New Zealand. Quite a specific fetish they're targeting, isn't it?
Holy testicles in tupperware! Thanks to the Internet, freaks and weirdo's can meet up without the hassle of taking an ad out in "Koo-Koo Bananers Monthly". Some guy wanted his balls removed, and a Michigan resident took him up on that challenge. Then they ate pie.
Finally, a Canadian man flees after having sex with the dogs that he dressed up in bras and panties. What more can you say about that, really?
This is another Best-Of Show as I continue to work out the kinks on this audio blogging/podcasting stuff. Get to know DV and new episodes will be starting real soon!
On the program:
Want to know what love is? Today we talk about a woman who stabbed her boyfriend for doing the dishes.
Taiwanese police have finally captured the Big Foot Pervert™. We have the the full up-date for you complete with DV's official chinese music sting.
Finally, a once-sick boy pleads with the world, "Stop sending me get well cards, it's been 4 years, I'm OK! Jesus H. Christ on a flipping cross!"
All this plus an audio E-mail on today's Distorted View!
This show originally aired on TellMe Networks on February 1st, 2002. On the program:
We talk about an upcoming documentary about Annabel Chung. You may remember this trailblazing feminist for her starring role in breaking the world's record for largest gang-bang.
Plus, a Distorted View follow-up! Remember the man who stole $4,600.00 worth of bull semen? New information on this, plus a gay porno star helps out with the story.
Also, a pig fetus, the state of Iowa, and your E-mails, today on DV!
Hey freaks!
Welcome to The Distorted View Podcast. To begin, let me let you in on what DV is all about.
Distorted View is an audio program which features strange-but-true news items, presented in an off-beat manner, complete with accompanying commentary and/or comedy sketches. It is not suitable for those of you under 18 years of age.
In 2000, Distorted View began airing on TellMe, a telephone service offering news, weather updates, stock information, etc. It was routinely one of the top destinations during it's entire two year run. In addition, internet radio stations across the globe carried the show. Last year, Sirius Satellite radio aired DV segments on one of it's popular morning shows.
Now we're utilziing Podcasting to deliver the show, free of charge, to everyone! Come here and download the newest episodes, or have the show sent to your computer using free podcasting software! Better yet, if you have an iPod or other MP3 player, you can get each new show to load into your player automatically!
Finally, my name is Tim Henson. I'm the host of the show. We'll get to know each other pretty well, and I hope you'll consider participating in the festivities. I read listener E-mails on the air all the time, and that type of interaction is always fun. Just know that even though mean, horrible things may spew out of my mouth, I truly love you with all of my black, crusty heart.
Check out the links section for podcasting software. For the next week or so, I'm going to air some of my favorite shows from the TellMe days. This will give you a chance to experience the magic of Distorted View without me doing any actual work. Enjoy!
