March 2005 Archives
Hey Freaks!
We've got a doozy of a show for you today featuring news of the weird, me singing my heart out, and more love for the PK&J show.
On Today's Show:
- The Poop Man Striketh!
- Painful erections and lube jobs
- Sleeping on your dead pets
Enjoy!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 03/31/05
Hey Freaks,
We're back with another all new show! Huzzah! I'm trying to get back into the swing of things as I recover from the Cold From Hell(tm). Enjoy the program, and don't forget to E-mail me if you find any crazy news items around!
On Today's Show:
- Parents who use drugs drive cars that use drugs
- Zapping the shit out of your fellow classmates
- When nerds go bad
Enjoy!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 03/30/05
Hey Freaks,
I'm back finally! Enjoy the show!
- Divorcing your husband cuz he won't STICK IT IN!
- REAL Finger Food
- Shaving your balls
All this plus your E-mails!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 03/29/05
Hey Freaks,
I'm still super sick. I'm going to try doing a new show for tomorrow. If anyone wants to Skype me, I'll probably be doing the show around 10pm tonight. If you have Skype, my username is "distortedview" without the quotes.
Enjoy this best-of show:
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 03/28/05
Hey Freaks!
What a show we have for you today! In addition to the news of the weird stories, I introduce a new re-occuring feature called "Tim Talks to Pedophile Crazy Sex Weirdos", where I pretend to be a 14 year old girl and talk to creepy old guys on Skype!
On Today's Show:
- Marrying a clay pot
- Avoiding sex by burning precious woodlands
- 200 orgasms a day!?
Enjoy the show! BTW, our skype name is "distortedview". If I'm online, it means I'm doing the show and would love hearing from you. Be a part of the program! Download skype and participate!
Enjoy!
-tim
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 03/24/05
Hey Freaks!
We're back with a new show! Rawk!
On Today's Show
- Rat Feces!
- Growing a dick on your forearm
- Crash test corpses
Oh, and don't forget to check out the PK&J Show. Click on this link for more hilarious podcasty goodness
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 03/23/05
Hey freaks! Take a listen to this Classique episode of DV and we'll be back tomorrow with a brand new episode! Enjoy!
- Giving birth on film...for a porno.
- Testicles in tupperware!
- Doggy Drag
Enjoy!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 3/22/05
Hey Freaks!
Hope you had a great weekend! We're back with a whole new week of Distorted Views for you! Enjoy!
On Today's Show:
- Move over Mary! Satan's image is now appearing on auction-able items!
- A totally useless suicide
- Having sex with dogs out of compassion. Plus, helpful dog-sex tricks and tips for you!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 03/21/05
Hey Freaks!
Back here for the Friday show! Since we played a best-of show yesterday, I felt bad and decided to make a Super-Sized DV Daily today. It clocks in at about 15 minutes! Enjoy the program and we'll be back on Monday to start a whole new week!
On Today's Show:
- Smoking Crack With Mommy Dearest
- A Banana Penis'ed man
- Medical Maggots: Setting the medical industry back 200 years
- Clawing through your dead mothers chest: A Distorted View tutorial
- A Sex Doll scares the crap out of the post office
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 03/18/05
Hey Freaks,
We're doing a best-of show today because I am tired, man! Hope you enjoy this podcast that originally aired back in January (1/14 to be exact). We'll be back with a NEW show on Friday to end the week. And that's a Tim Henson promise! *ting*
On Today's Show:
-DV NEWS FLASH: People are allowed to have sex in Sweden. Specifically loud, rocking, tit-slapping, stinky sex. Swedish sex is nnnnaaughty.
-Abe Lincoln is a homosexual! It's true becuase some author says it is. Oh, and Distorted View has the original audio recording of the Gettysburg Address.
-Sperm is wanted at Australia clinics due to a shortage. Who are they turning to? Politicans.
Enjoy!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 03/17/05
Hey Freaks,
I have nothing to say so...umm...Mayonnaise.
On Today's Show:
- Feces in the mail! (Don't lick the envelope)
- Beach Bingo Abandoned Baby Bonanza!
- What's the combination to your Mastercock?
Enjoy the show and we'll see you back here tomorrow!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 03/16/05
Hey Freaks!
Back for the Tuesday show, and with it comes a brand new handful of crazy, twisted, bizarre, true stories! Enjoy the program! Don't forget to E-mail me, vote for us at Podcast Alley, and think about me in your dreams.
On Today's Show:
- Crystal meth is on Blue Light Special
- Lifting massive weights with your penis
- The sweet taste of (boobies!!!) victory
Enjoy the show!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 03/15/05
Hey Freaks!
It's all come to this. We finally find out who has won the stale kaiser E-bay auction!
On Today's Show:
- Ball odor
- A creepy man in drag
- A man with two penises (now missing a wife)
Enjoy the show!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 3/14/05
Hey freaks! I had a blast this week and I hope you did, too. We end the week right with some news of the weird, a special tribute to the kaiser roll, and of course your E-mails and voicemail!
On Today's Show:
- A different type of cock ring
- Sandra Bullock loves ass cream!
- Someone's got the squirts!
A classy program, indeed. See you back here on Monday to start a whole new week! Don't forget to watch Arrested Development on Sunday!
Listen Now! Distorted View Daily: 03/11/05
Hey Freaks,
Back with the Thursday show! Enjoy the program and remember: stay away from the brownies.
On Today's Show:
- Penis gone but not forgotten
- Miss Cleo: Motor Vehicle Bureau employee of the month!
- Again, please...STAY AWAY FROM THE BROWNIES!
Enjoy the show and we'll see you back tomorrow to wrap up the week!
Listen Now! Distorted View Daily: 03/10/05
Hey freaks! We're back today with more bizarre, twisted news for you! Plus, a rare retraction, a stale kaiser roll update, and your E-mails!
On Today's Show:
- A man ate his penis. Quite possibly the world's perfect news story.
- Licking your students
- Obliviously living with the dead
- A semen-squirting doctor. Open your mouth and say "AHHHH".
Enjoy the show!
Listen Now! Distorted View Daily: 03/09/05
Hey freaks! We've got a great show filled with voicemail from listeners, painful music, a stale kaiser roll update, and of course bizarre news!
On Today's Show:
- Excuse me sir, why is your penis singing Styx?
- A married couple that didnt know what "sex" was
- Karaoke: Convincing untalented losers they can sing since 1987
Enjoy the show!
Listen Now! Distorted View Daily 03/08/05
Hey freaks! Hope you had a great weekend! I've been busy with DV. I updated the photo page with some new pictures of DV listeners. We also got a brand new voicemail line. Call us and leave some feedback: 206-66-OHGOD!
On Today's Show:
- I host the program with a stale kaiser roll. It's up on E-bay now, so you can own your very own stale Kaiser roll, too. It's not a silicon breast or grilled cheese sandwich with the virgin Mary's face burned into it but my kaiser roll is special, too.
- Nailguns and eyeballs!
- Impaled old people!
- Steak knives and headaches!
Confused? Listen to the podcast and all will be explained!
Listen Now! Distorted View Daily 03/07/05
Hey Freaks!
We made it through another week together! I had a blast and hope you did, too. We end the week with some truly twisted stories for you to feast upon. We'll be back on Monday to do it all over!
On Today's Show:
- Horny Pigs!
- Why on earth would you rip off puppy dog heads?
- How lazy have we become? Drive-In Whore House, that's all I'm saying.
Enjoy the program!
Tim
Listen Now: Distorted View Daily 03/04/05
Hey Freaks! More twisted news from the pits of hell for ya!
On Today's Show:
- A stinky Iranian man!
- Giant implants for sale on Ebay
- Butchering goats for crack cocaine! A Distorted View instructional guide.
Enjoy the show!
Listen Now! Distorted View Daily: 03/03/05
And on another note: I got a ton of E-mail yesterday calling me a crackhead, a dumbass, and a silly rabbit because I f'ed up a news story. I told you I didnt know the age of the child that was strapped in a car watching mommy bang one of her students, right after I mentioned the child was 2. What can I say? I'm an idiot! Isn't that why you love me?
Hey freaks! Enjoy the program!
On Today's Show:
- A naked man with a sword!
- A naked man covered in cheese!
- Cow poop cures yeast infections?
- Hot for teacher
See you back tomorrow!
-Tim
Listen Now! Distorted View Daily 03/02/05
Hey freaks! I think I found one of the strangest news stories in quite awhile. You don't want to miss today's show. Speaking of which:
On Today's Show:
- Penis + Chicken + Dog - Common Sense + Knife = A recipe for a hilarious/disgusting disaster
- Roadkill candy!
- The return of breast-loving Gorilla lawsuits
Wow, kind of cryptic, but all will become clear once you listen to the program! Enjoy!
-Tim
Listen Now! Distorted View Daily: 03/01/05
