April 2005 Archives
Hey Freaks!
Back with a brand new show to end the week! In addition to the crazy news stories, I'm proud to present another installment of "Tim Pretends To Be a 14 Year Girl on Skype Looking For Pedophiles". Enjoy!
- The return of the exploding toads!
- American coke fiend
- Another sex store robbery
Enjoy, and we'll see you back here on Monday!
Listen to the podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/29/05
Hey Freaks!
Today I present to you a Best-Of Show! I was unable to record a new show today because I had to attend an industry party for the launch of Modern Crochet Magazine. I totally snorted coke off of a pass-out Tara Redi's stomach. Rad!
Enjoy these classic moments (from 3 months ago) and we'll be back tomorrow to end the week with a brand new program.
On Today's Show:
- Gay Penguins
- Scalping a living human's head!
- Chicken Hit-And-Run
Listen to the podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/28/05
Hey Freaks!
Lots of fun stuff on this episode. Hope you enjoy it!
On Today's Show:
- 50 Maggots in a guy's ear! Isn't that the name of Russell Crowe's band?
- Nazi Monkeys!
- Waking up with a knife stuck in your face
All of this plus your E-mails, most of which were completely incoherent.
Listen to today's podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/27/05
Hey Freaks!
Uh-Oh, it's Tuesday, which means another installment of Sextastic Tuesday: the idiotic bit where I read you weird porno stories. As if that weren't enough, check out what else we're doing today:
On Today's Show:
- Chunky flesh-meat in your drinking water
- Incest! Sex Changes! Hermaphrodites! Quite possible the world's perfect news story.
- Return of the angry french fry guy!
Plus, I read some of your E-mails. It's a jam packed show! Enjoy!
Listen to the podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/26/05
Hey Freaks!
I'm back to start an all new week of shows with you! In addition to the usual lot of crazy stories, someone has accused me of being a racist! Fear not, faithful audience, for I will handle this with the grace and composure you've come to expect from me.
On Today's Show:
- The taste of human nose
- Exploding toads!
- What are condomos REALLY used for in India?
Enjoy!
-Tim
Listen to the podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/25/05
Hey Freaks!
We end the week right with some crazy news stories for you. Plus, Stephen Hawking sings for you! What more could you ask for? Don't answer that.
On Today's Show:
- Oh look, a used eyeball for sale
- Small penis-ed Asian Men: fact or fiction?
- Now that's what I call a bad hair day!
Enjoy the show and we'll see you back here on Monday!
Listen to the podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/22/05
Hey Freaks!
Thanks for all the great E-mails and feedback coming in! I love you freaks! Remember, if you run across a crazy news story or website, E-mail me! I'll be skyping tomorrow, so call in around 11:00pm EST if you want to participate in the show. Username is "distortedview"
On Today's Show:
- Lawyer by day, porn star by night!
- Pakistani Blasphemy*
- His anus is bllleeeeding!
- Drag Queen Evil Action Squad
Plus: a marijuana wine recipe, mayonaise, and your E-mail's
Listen to the podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/21/05
Hey Freaks!
We've got another big show for you today. Along with the news of the weird, we've got a special pope report for you!
On Today's Show:
- Drunk monkeys!
- 150 pounds of glorious rotting flesh
- Today's decomposing animals, tomorrow's lunch
Enjoy! I'll be on skype for Thursday's show. My screenname is "distortedview" for those wanting to call in.
Listen to the podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/20/05
Hey Freaks!
We're back with one of the craziest shows in a long time. Today's show clocks in at almost 18 minutes, which is the longest DV daily to date. Plus, we introduce a new segment called Sextastic Tuesday. You'll also learn what the term "thinning out the herd" means.
On Today's Show:
- Robot sex dolls
- Do-It-Yourself cremation
- Bursting in to flames during heart surgery
- Flying sausages & broken noses
Enjoy!
Listen To The Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/19/05
Hey Freaky Deakys!
It was an awesome weekend, but I'm so excited to be back to start a new week of DV! Today we talked about a new idiotic E-bay auction. First came Virgin Mary, then came my stale kaiser roll, and now someone has placed a Pope John Paul II Chicken Breast on Ebay!
On Today's Show:
- Is Bush sexy? The International community responds!
- What happens when you have a small penis? PEOPLE DIE!
- Blackface: a humorous homage to African Americans, or a quick way to get fired from your job?
Enjoy!
Listen To The Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/18/05
Hey Freaks!
Enjoy the Friday podcast and we'll see you back on Monday to start a whole new week. If you have an Internet radio station and would like to play Distorted View, you totally have my permission as long as you don't alter the show's content. Just E-mail me to let me know. I'd be happy to give you a link.
On Today's Show:
- That lady has a phone in her phagina
- Burying your children alive
- Biting off a fellow classmates ear
Enjoy!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/15/05
Hey Freaks!
Another super late recording session. Today's show is...well, it's an abortion. I think. I really don't know because I'm so tired. At any rate, enjoy the show and we'll be back tomorrow to end the week!
On Today's Show:
- Hot German Cannibal Action
- Steamed Cockroach Dumplings with fried rice
- Feeding yourself to animals
Enjoy!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/14/05
Hey Freaks!
We're back with another new show! Today I spill the beans about a new podcasting project I'm working on. More audio stupidity from me! :)
On Today's Show:
- Britney Spear is--oh, who the fuck cares?
- Whores in the mall! No, I'm not talking about Forever 21 employess.
- Crashing the DMV partay.
Enjoy!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/13/05
Hey Freaks! Enjoy the show, and don't forget to send in any strange news stories you run across. If you have something to say, E-mail me and I'll read it on the program. Better yet, leave us a voicemail! 206-66-OH-GOD!
On Today's Show:
- Why is President Bush the Keymaster and where is the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man when you need him?
- Stealing dead people's heads
- Slip the condom on your crank in a fraction of the time! It's new miracle product!
Enjoy!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/12/05
Hey Freaks!
We're back with a new week of shows, and we're kicking it off with a brand new website! Pretty spiffy, huh? Some of the links aren't working, and other links send you to old pages, but in the coming days that will all be fixed.
Thanks to Shawn Milo for talking abut DV on his podcast and donating some cash my way! I get to eat this week!
On Today's Show:
- Leeches and Michael Bolton
- Drinking Vodka and smokin' fatties
- Flaming fingers of fried fury!
Enjoy the show and we'll see you back tomorrow!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/11/05
Hey Freaks!
We end the week right with a bunch of truly twisted news. Have a great weekend, and we'll see you back here on Monday!
On Today's Show:
- A wedding between tiger and woman
- Moneyjuana
- A Stinky Wife
- Sex games gone wild
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 4/08/05
Hey Freaks!
Enjoy the program today! Oh, if anyone is really good with flash and HTML, let me know. I think it's time for an update to this site, and I'd like it to reflect the weirdness of DV's content. Email me. I'm poor, but I'm not above giving blowjobs.
On Today's Show:
- Sperm on the beach
- How to make $18,000 with your kidneys!
- Whores for Art!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/07/05
Hey Freaks,
We've got a big show for you today! Is it offensive? Yeah. But that's the way you like it, don't you? Yeah, you like it like that. Take it bitch, take it all..
- Deep sea fishing hooks and your scrotum
- Miss Wheelchair Pagaent SCANDAL!
- Cameron Diaz's Ass
- False Teeth and Public Intoxication
Enjoy!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/06/05
Hey Freaks,
Today you'll see how juvenile my humor really is. Hope you like tit jokes and female masturbation!
On Today's Show:
- Teenagers rave about oral sex
- A woman who breast-feeds tigers, and why she hasn't been tested for mental retardation
- Shit and Whores! Welcome to Carnival Cruiselines.
Enjoy!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/05/05
Hey Freaks!
We're back with a new show! And it's not even in Spanish! Exclamation points!!
On Today's Show:
- Godzilla's Penis!
- Eating shit to beat the law!
- Why not to axe a missile
Enjoy the show!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/04/05
Hey guys!
Hope you enjoyed my silly attempt at an April Fools Day joke. Some of you have asked how I put it together. I used free translation tools available on the web to convert English into Spanish and then used a test-to-speech online application developed at AT&T to actually "speak" it.
Read on for some of the stuff that was spoken in Spanish during the show:
Hey Freaks,
I've always been honest with you regarding the program, so I feel a certain responsibility to just lay out what's been going on over here. I've been looking for ways to make money with the show, and the only way I can do it is by targeting the content of the show to the people who listen in. My webstats show that over 83% of my listeners are from the Spanish-speaking community.
With that in mind, I've had to change the format around a bit, and I know for a fact many of you will not be happy with it. I hope you'll stick around and continue to listen to the show, but if you cannot, I wish you the best.
On Today's Show:
- ¡poop la boca!
- bombas locas
- pene de cobre gigante
Enjoy!
Podcast: Distorted View Daily: 04/01/05
