Welcome To Distorted View’s Crude Summer!
Each week we will take a dip into DV’s pool of disgusting, poorly written, and just weird erotic fan fiction/ sex stories that have been featured over the past 15 years of the podcast. I originally read these stories to you during a segment called Sextastic Tuesday, which aired just about every week (on Tuesday’s, naturally) and creeped out a generation of freaks. Every weekend this summer we will relive some of these abominations.
A classic slash fan fic featuring Snape from Harry Potter being sent off to Teletubby land, where he teaches the tubbies a thing or two (anally speaking, of course)
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Hastily AI’ed Transcription Of Today’s Show:
Coming up on this week’s edition of crude summer Harry Potter slash Teletubbies erotic fanfiction mash up it’s gonna be stupid. Snake killed Dumbledore but can he fits fuck JK Winky? My money’s on Yes, yes he can. Let’s find out together in just a moment. distorted views crude summer is brought to you by Adam and eve.com, purveyors of fine handcrafted artisanal objects to cram in various Buchholz since 1970. Okay, I don’t think they’re handcrafted but because artists no has no legal definition. The sex toys are totally our typical. the widest selection of dildos vibrators and butt plugs have made Adam and Eve the number one adult toy superstore. But there’s so much more than that. Visit Adam and Eve calm for perfume and cologne. lingerie, under where for men, movies, bondage where and necessities like condoms, lube and something called kuchi aftershave. For a limited time just for distorted view listeners get 50% off just about any item when you use promo code freak at checkout, that’s FREAK half off any one item is an amazing deal on its own. We’re just getting started baby. Hold on to your kingdom dildo which is also the name of another real product, Adam and Eve calm cells. Because here we go. So like almost any one item for 50% off and then Adam and Eve load you up with an awesome selection of three stop and her offer code freak at checkout and get 10 free gifts. Sexy item for him a special gift for her and a third item I think he’ll both enjoy plus six free yc movies. free shipping on your entire order. Let’s recap get 50% off just about any item plus 10 free gifts including six free movies and free shipping. Just remember to use coupon code freak fr e AK at Adam and eve.com
Snape was very sad he was not having many pleasures doing lectures and teaching students anymore there’s no D in there this person I don’t think English is our first language students. All these adventures happening at Hogwarts the inner life from his bones and he had nothing more to accomplish he Dumbledore you know before he killed them. headmaster, I want to be expelled. I don’t have what it takes to teach anymore. Double the double door was puzzled. But Snape You’re my best professor. You can’t go and waste the knowledge you have. Oh Dumbledore I’m so sad said Snape, putting the back of his hand on his forehead. Whoa is me. Dumbledore thought for a solution. Okay, Snape, I’ll transfer you to another place somewhere calm, where you will help good creatures that have no parents. Okay, step got grateful that Dumbledore understood his feelings and pushed him to place less onerous to do his advancing age. Snape took a train and after days finally reached a colorful and wonderful place. It was the Tubby dome supersonic. The dwelling of his new students, he reached there and a periscope welcome him. Professor Snape you arrived the students await in the classroom. Snape was still sad but his powerful stomach got chills because the mystery of novelty approaches his comfort zone. What did they did they run this through Google Translate or something? All right. When Snape entered the classroom for colored creatures racist racist, for OIC for different colors for colored creatures, where they’re sitting on their chairs, they said to Snape
stoop Yeah, that’s right. Harry Potter meets Teletubbies pour down this door to me daily. It’s about right. And Snape smile feeling is hard get full of passion. He’s already attracted the Teletubbies. All right, dear students. Today you will learn potion making. No said one Teletubbies. We want to learn about how to be an adult. Right. They all had lived for many long inside what they had lived for many long inside that perfect bubble only experimenting the baby joys of youth is that there was that supposed to be dirty? experimenting the baby joys of youth. But every day was equal to them not really happened at their house and life was boring for grasp of the English language. When Snape arrived a flash of hope filled their hearts with the promise of life beyond the perfect prison they got trapped when they got born. Only that dark robbed and pale skin man. Maybe robed only that dark robe and pale skin man can save the babies from this terrible fate. But kins Snape said I must accomplish the curriculum. That’s how I think the Teletubbies would talk. I’ve only ever heard them say things like baguette baguette.
WL that was homophobic back. All right, IO professor. Me inside. Don’t let the evil periscope suck the last remnants of humanity locked in my so fatal broken hearts said the yellow. Telly Tubby. That’s La La By the way, with a sensitive voice maybe sensitive but it’s spelled sensitive. All right, listen enough of this Harry Potter music. I can’t take any more of it. Calling for a strong man to free her mind and her body. Snape looked at her and felt something funny inside of his pelvis. It was a long time since the last time shared an intimacy filled moment with a woman. I wouldn’t really call La La a woman state was starting to break but Teletubbies if the periscope woman watches us. How can we have privacy? The purple leader pinky Winky got up and uttered with his powerful throat. I have a secret place professor. Whoa. We can learn them and free ourselves from the bounds of madness that others inflicted upon us said him. He added wow. Happy happy. All right, hitting his chest with a clenched Chan snake look down thought for a moment and follow the purple leader. They opened a secret door inside their house a door leading to the basement. The plot thickens the place so that’s my penis. The place was full of rats and roaches. Water infiltrated the place and mold smell was president dangerous quantities. A lot of Earth Finn dirty was covered a lot of dirt he was covering the put a hole in the wall could be seen. You are making a hole Yes, Snape said dinky Winky. We must be gay. So we are creating an exit route to get out of the evil crunch. It’s okay, that’s not that’s not right. That’s not the proper use of the word crunch. All right. Yes. We must get out of the evil crunches of the woman Periscope. Okay. Oh, I must tell you Teletubbies said Snape.
Snape nodded in agreement. right he with his wonder his magic wand created a giant bed. And some wine and cheese to accompany this illustrious with the moment. Teletubbies lay here with me. I will teach you how to be a man. Oh, but you po aren’t ready yet. You are too young baby baby doll. Stay here in the corner and play with you small hose. Okay, well, pose grown up relatively quickly. Here you go play with your deck in the corner. Alright. Po by the way. He’s smelling it. Whoa. That’s not the Teletubbies name. It’s La La OTQ waking up. But we’ll call them pOH even though it’s pool here, and pOH got sad but nevertheless he did what Snape said and watch the others while they got touched. That’s right peach. So said Snape La La you make a pair with me kinky Winky. You go with Dipsy. Watch me while I play with LA LA and mimic my movements. Then you will learn Snape them got on his knees and looked at the laid la la. She was sweating a bit. Don’t be afraid small yellow girl just spread your legs and so she did it in gorge the vagina shined at her crotch. Like a beacon of hope for Snape. But it was full of cotton yellow pubic hair. Snape picked up a scissor and cut it. Snape it said dip COKK wiki have no crash mouth, but a very strange town. It fell with purple wrinkled skin. Oh Dipsy? He don’t have crotch mouth. That sounds like a like a debilitating disease like I’ve come down with crotch mouth. All right behind him you will find a parks I the fuck is going on? I understand very few words. Story. All right. Oh. Dipsy. He don’t have crotch mouth. But behind him you will find a pork I don’t be afraid it’s dirty. But after a while you will like the fine flavor of melted chocolate covering your lips. Okay, I think we’re talking about an SQL here. Dipsy turned kinky Winky and the purple Teletubbies revealed his deep purple Angel home.
What I do ask Dipsy but same I will do with La La Don’t be afraid. dinky Winky will scream and moan but you must go on your great depends on it said Snape with a calm and soft full deep voice maybe soulful but it’s awful. Oh professor said La La with a moaning lustful voice I think I paid myself I’m feeling nice
All right. No La La you not PU me Tarzan UJ No, no la la you not PU only happy that I’m here. Yes, now suck my index finger and so she did it. Snape unclogged himself is pale shiny penis appeared and all the Teletubbies got impressed is not sack was very white and Harry and exalt a snake oil parfum essence. La La felt the jolt of pleasure down her antenna. Now boys do as I do. And them Snape introduced his wizard wonder his penis inside La La she screamed. And a flesh of yellow blood got expelled from her now broken tele Tubby hymen the yellow blood covered snake. Probably Snape and he rubbed himself with that sticky liquid
Feeling so dirty? No La La Don’t be ashamed to shut the fuck up let me Fuck you. All right when you bit the forbidden fruit the knowledge will fulfill your innermost desires be my Eve and Snape punched her uterus with his Rockford penis. I’m not I don’t know what that means. The Teletubbies girl moans more and smiles her face. Yeah, that’s right. She’s not smiling. She’s smiling face. Dipsy? Do the same on Tiki Winky puncturing the purple so with the green penis he is so proud of dinky Winky. Screams you heard me dear friend stop. I cannot withstand your protuberant. Yeah, that’s right. He used the word protuberant. I have a feeling two different people are writing this story one who knows English and one who doesn’t because this sentence is stop. I cannot withstand your protuberant burlesque of delectation said Dipsy with a condescending voice professor said I must go on with our journey throughout the steps towards a greater understanding about our true nature as alienated species from our Parenthood. Yeah, see what I mean. This is a different author, it’s got to be dinky Winky was suffering the destiny of those under the yoke of their own expectations, but Snape was wise and appealed Dipsy. Use your bodily fluids to appease the sorrow of your roost companions. Dipsy then spit on his hand an immense gob of putrid mucus. It was green green his his body and full of dancing crawlers that were enjoying the hot abode that was his nostrils Dipsy covered his fluffy hard peanuts with it and penetrated kinky Winky again. This time the purple one I enjoyed.
Snape was flunking hard.
Funky, today was flunking hard la la. A lot of yellow blood continue to get out of her defiled vegetal Daisy. The pain hurted her so much yet her first orgasm was building. It unleashed a cataract of Happy, happy, happy hot shit. Through her untouched anus. You see, her bowel controls were still rudimentary. The slop of dung covered the bed and the smell was atrocious. The flow was so intense globs of shit splashed its names legs, hit his pal and sweet face. Oh wait. Oh la la sets me. Finally the cocoa honey bestow us with this feast of the contents of your gut, and snake rubbed his face with the black hodgepodge ooze. Lala vomited with her anus. It was so hot and disgusting that snake vomited a mash of orange juice, bloody spaghetti and Mama’s chili pepper over her lustful body. It rage lawless vagina and burned it and splashed all over her tummy. she rubbed the vomit all over her belly and breasts and swallowed a good portion of it.
He never thought about something so insulting to his manhood, but the pleasure was so insane He nodded with a mon yeah oh yes. And La La prepared her finger full of vomit and macaroni strings. She moves slowly her index finger and Brynn penetrated and she did the finger entered snakes left nostril Yeah, she’s known as fucking him and started a fucking she was fast and didn’t want to lose time as La La fuck snakes knows the vomit in her nails entered in breathe did he gagged and cough the bloody puke and it hit la LA’s eyes but she just laughed. The full sensation in his nostrils too much and Snape is ready to come. right he grabs his penis and feel the throbbing coming and coming. La La comes to and now she is complete. A yellow and tasty alien woman girl with nice and softly cotton breast Dipsy comes inside kinky Winky and the two cotton alien boys now discover what it takes to make a real action hero. boy said Snape you graduated you are now fully fledged mature and responsible adults. You can take care of your own butts and do with it all you deserve. Paul was a little sad but she knows her time will come and when it does, snake will be there teaching her all about vaginal anal scat. nostril sex. And considering Teletubbies are what like two years old. A little bit of pedophilia, too. There you go. Harry Potter meets Teletubbies they met and they fucked and it was bloody. Got to be honest with you most sex stick Tuesday stories ended up with at least a little blood. It’s pretty par for the course. If you have a favorite sex plastic Tuesday story that you remember and you would like to hear again why not request it for an upcoming edition of group summer you can always email me show at distorted view com our voicemail line for two hours 6666 4463 I’m all over social media at distorted view on Twitter and Instagram facebook.com slash distorted view show and we have a discord it’s a cool way to meet and chat with other freaks there’s a link to the discord the main navigation bar over there distorted view com regular episodes of distorted view daily are Monday through Friday and I will be back next week with another installment of crude summer until then. Have a great weekend. Bye.
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Music from https://filmmusic.io
“Lobby Time” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)
License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)