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Welcome To Distorted View’s Crude Summer!

Each week we will take a dip into DV’s pool of disgusting, poorly written, and just weird erotic fan fiction/ sex stories that have been featured over the past 15 years of the podcast. I originally read these stories to you during a segment called Sextastic Tuesday, which aired just about every week (on Tuesday’s, naturally) and creeped out a generation of freaks. Every weekend this summer we will relive some of these abominations.

This week: I’ve got two stories for you today. First, if you’ve ever wondered where the phrase “Black nut juice is good, but negro nut cream is way better” comes from, wonder no more! I’ve got the story where that brilliant line comes from: a woman horny for a bunch of big black cocks. The second story is from deep within the vaults of DV. One of the very first stories I ever read (even before the show was a podcast) was about a gay man getting pissed on by a dwarf. Enjoy both of these ribald tales and I’ll see you back next week for more audio filth.

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Hastily AI’ed Transcription Of Today’s Show:

Coming up this week a crude summer double feature first you know that sound clip of me saying Black Nut juice is good, but I gotta say Negro nut cream way better today I’ll share the story where that originated from. Then we take a trip in the Wayback Machine all the way to 2002 and I share with you one of the very first sex stories I read on DV – Crude summer starts in just a moment. distorted views crude summer is brought to you by Adam and Eve calm the sex toy superstore with that old timey mom and pop store charm. Look, your local erotic boutique is fine. They’ve got some movies, some generic toys, it works when you’re in a pinch, and you just need something in your butt right away and you don’t mind paying a little more but if you want access to over 20,000 adult items at an amazing price, check out AdamandEve.com. Here’s an example just about every corner store sex shop sells nipple clamps But only Adam and Eve calm has the exclusive chain me up cake clamps including two nipple clamps and click clamp all connected together. Just pull on the O ring in the middle and yank her tits and Clint at the same time, innovative forward thinking that’s Adam and Eve calm for a limited time just for distorted view listeners get 50% off just about any item when you use promo code freak at checkout. That’s FREAK half off any one item is an amazing deal on its own. We’re just getting started baby. use promo code freak and you’ll also receive a sexy item for him a special gift for her and a third item you’ll both enjoy plus six free spicy movies and free shipping on your entire order. That’s 10 free gifts when you use promo code freak. Let’s recap. Adam and Eve calm has products like kegel trainer with three different removable weight sizes. It’ll tighten up even the most stubborn Ward outputs the whole I’m guessing I don’t know. use promo code freak on an item like that and get 10 free gifts including free shipping. That’s promo code freak at Bari, AK at Adam and Eve calm. Victoria brushed her teeth, washed her hair and considered how to dress for the day. Being an incurable exhibitionist, she always dressed to provoke but always in style. Even during office hours, she wanted to look sexy to say the least. And today more than ever if she wanted to find a sperm donor to one during lunch break and one or more after hours. She put on her second See lingerie first. She selected her steel under bust Scarlet make corset Oh, good choice. Black lays, it pronounced her hips up beautifully. She strutted into her office and as always was met with a mixture of jealous yet admiring looks of her female colleagues and badly hidden lust in the eyes of her male colleagues. These always put her in the right mood to tackle her daily load. After, after about an hour of working Victoria looked at her watch shit, she thought so much time to go before the lunch break. She was already cock hungry. She got an email from a colleague. He was the guy who kept gallantly courting her. Both of them knew it was kind of a game as the man was happily married, but both liked playing it. She opened the mail and stared our huge velvety brown cock with a most beautiful purple head and heavy semen loaded balls. Pulling Down the foreskin was swaying slightly on the screen. Was it an animated GIF or something? Maybe he’s using vine Seven seconds of a big, fat black cock swaying around. The monster tool was smiling at her warmly. And Victoria smiled back crazy person. She’s almost talking to a penis. Her mouth instantly overflowing with saliva. Oh, that’s right. She saw a beautiful drop a crystal clean pre come that seemed to be winking at her. She shook her head and closed her eyes. The picture vanished it was replaced by an elephant with a race trunk and an apple at the tip of the trunk shit and fuck Victoria thought okay, I’m pretty sure she skipped the front of care. Either that or she’s just super hungry. All right, for Victoria, there was only one remedy get a nice black cock in her mouth quickly and then partake of the nourishing nectar that would help help her survive until the afternoon when she’d be able to find some more to let her last through the rest of the day. One more hour to go before lunch break. Well, what the hell Victoria thought she would take the break. early today, she walked quickly to the nearby shopping plaza, where there was always ample supply of cock for a woman in need. For 10 minutes she walked the shopping arcades being googled and are bowled by white men, but not finding any black cock owners. Then there they were two of the most handsome tall and slim real black skinned individuals. Nice shoes, Mama, one of the men said Which ones? She looked at him openly and smile. Is that the best you can do flirting? The ones you wear and lady. I like them on my legs. She’s really bad at flirting. Yeah, I like to wear these shoes on my face. Okay. God doesn’t want to fuck you anymore. He thinks you’re retarded. Demo some fun legs. The first man commented. Victoria said there’s a nice quiet place near the other end of the mall. She saw the surprise on their face. They probably thought she was only dirty flirting with them. She turned and move briskly towards the public toilet area. How romantic and looked at them over her shoulders saw them look at each other before following her with smirks on their face. Let’s fast forward now to the public shutter. I’ve never seen a slut like you, lady. Wow. He knows how to live a woman. He expressed his appreciation of her underwear. Wait till you use me honey, she answered, massaging his promising tool. She pushed the man eating her cunt away and sat on the toilet ball crossing our high heeled legs zip. That intoxicating sound that 100% nylons make. Give me your toe she demanded her voice suddenly horse with excitement. The man standing up was that an advantage? his dick was already out. He moved to her front and offered her the eight inch love tool. She ran her fingernails caressing Lee along it, squeezing the head slightly with our fingers to get more pre come from the cock hole and put her lips to the head. This is totally ready. by a guy right there’s no way a woman All right, and put her lips to the head to suck the free come. She smacked her lips and pulled his balls from the confines of his boxers. Her eyes shone at the heavy sack covered only with stubble. You seem to have a lot of nectar and those darling stop colleague come nectar. She could wake his balls in her hand and without waiting for an answer applied her lips to the scroll sack to kiss the balls and suck on the folds of his skin. She encased his balls with her finger and put the whole sack into her mouth, teasing it with her tongue. When she was pleased with the exercise on his balls. She ran her lips lovingly across the side of his now desperately oozing pre come talk and buried the lovely head in her mouth. Oh, the man gassed in his hips instinctively went into fucking movement. The Hungry slut Victoria had no problem accommodating all of the length in our mouth. is eight inches what is eight inches we’re not a challenge for the horror. The horror woman who prided herself and being the Deep Throat Queen, the male Oregon’s slid into the depths of her mouth easily and the man was treated to the unbelievable sensation of having this deep massage by the woman’s walls. wall I guess the walls of our mouth right? The man fucking here shot his first rope directly into her throat, but the other is flew into her mouth as he retreated his dick got her first helping the day What a treat. The semen was a little musky and taste in pretty liquid and texture not lumpy. No, such a thing as what become good Christ shooting oatmeal out of his cock All right, Victoria likes all tastes the sperm. She’s a true gore may if there ever was one when it comes to sperm. The woman didn’t bother with the fact that the men were looking as she turned the thin widest liquid in our mouth to fully appreciate the taste on the couch. She’s like swishing it in her mouth, making a show of it excited her sweaty nature. She always gotten kicks from shocking people with her sexual debauchery. The bigger the shocks you could give the happier was the sled inside of her that’s gonna be the my autobiography Tim Henson the sled inside me, RG swallow the sperm open their mouth for them to see it was all gone and lick their lips. She pushed the first deck owner aside to make room for his colleague who was heavily dripping with Bri calm Victoria cleanse the tasty secretion off the cock head. Like a moment earlier she started with the balls. Unfortunately, time was flying and she wanted another load of nut paste inside, like Nutella, so she started in paling herself onto the Hard Rock, massaging the heavy ball sack with her right hand. The silky dick, which was blacker than his friends was finding its way into her adjustable throat and she accommodated him to her comfort. It’s such a wonderous feeling when the head of a cock forces Victoria his mouth wider and massages her muscles inching slowly deeper and deeper as she breathes through her nose in saliva flows her mouth it’s such a kinky feeling to know a black studies using her when the men Dingo dick man was ready to come. He came right into our throat gasping like a man saved from drowning. That did not please Victoria she preferred to take black man’s cough syrup in her mouth to taste it properly. Well at least her belly got a chair of Negro not cream not cream and a good share it seem to be sounds like I’m product from like the 30s Negro not great. All right, when the man step back victorious, me grow not so great. When the man step back, Victoria looked at her blouse. Shit, he said seeing the large one spot on her bust where her saliva landed during the deep throat. She would have to clean herself to the best that she could. But first, she thanked her donors for their helpings of the lovely sperm. Thanks, darling. She beamed a happy smile. Are you going to be around here anytime soon? Unfortunately, they were just here on business and we’re catching their plane at noon The following day, so there was no way she could service them again. As she returned to work, she noticed a man eyeing her in the elevator. He specifically was looking at her wet blouse, he approached her in the elevator and asked, Is there anything I can do to help? She quickly unzipped his trousers? Wow, not we’re not even speaking now. She’s that cock hungry. She quickly unzipped his trousers to pull out his tool. While he reached apart her breasts. She slapped him on the hands and said look, I’m kinda in a hurry. You can you can man handle me another time. Okay, the cop craze slot didn’t lose time indeed. You didn’t. Off to correct the deck. She just took a good look at it to appreciate its chocolate beauty and took it in her ever hungry mouth. Even if she didn’t have much time for him she was intent on proving to him that she could give them a blow job like no one else could. She therefore Deep Throat at him properly risking another incident with her blouse. When the man lost control and started fucking her face. He totally lost. Oh, totally lost and is unexpected lyst she led him she could always say in the office that she had an incident with tea during lunch. Yeah, because come stains look a lot like tea. Alright, the happy guard was riding her face. No longer minding the fact that somebody might hear is loud orgasms and moaning. You actually cried out the moment has just exploded into her sweaty mouth, flooding it with a generous amount of delicious Black Nut juice. The end. Black Nut juice is good but I gotta say Negro nut cream way better. There. It is the orange So now we have a little more time. So I thought I’d share with you another story. This is actually one of the very first sec stories I ever read on the show before dv was even a podcast from 2000 to 2002. I would do four to five minute mini programs on a telephone service called Tell me so this is a short story, and you could tell by my voice, I was very, very young and tender. I don’t think I had even gone through puberty at this point. I was a late bloomer. Anyway, enjoy this next story, sex dwarf. So there I was in the cruise bar. I like to call it an action bar because if you’re looking for some action, well, this is the place to go. Then he walked in, he was no more than four feet tall. When I see a guy that short. The blood rushes straight to my slab and I kind of tingle all over. I decided to light up a cigarette and see what was happening at the urinals. Just then he walked in. My little midget now I’m a shy guy, but I was not about to let this opportunity pass me by. I asked him, Can I drink your piss? The words just flowed out of my mouth. He laughed smell if you really want to. No one’s ever asked me that before. Oh, I want to I told him and I close the door shutting the light out. Well, if you’re sure Are you ready? I squatted down in the darkness, grabbed his legs and said, Yeah, I’m ready. His pitch stream hit me right in the face. I managed to get most of his penis in my mouth. There is still a lot that splashed onto my T shirt. When he finished he tapped my wet t shirt and said you too much. Oh no. Did that mean he was going? Not so fast? My horny little fucking sex dwarf. I grabbed his ass and pulled him closer to me. I started sucking on his soft delicious water pump. He had lung loose for skin my personal favorite, and it was still quite wet from the pice I rolled my tongue around, it’s soaking up every last Dropping the amber nectar. I sucked on his quickly hardening shaft while I pulled his jeans down to his ankles and stroked his short stubby legs. He then shot his salty messages into my mouth and grunted. I then asked him Can I lick your ass he bent over and I came around and knelt down low behind him. Now I can take an ass or leave it a cock is always the most important thing for me but I really really wanted I really really wanted to taste this sweet ass and I made a nose dive for such a clean smooth bum hole after a little nose fucking I stuck my tongue in a while my tongue explored places it’s never been I pulled on my Packer and shower jets of my Come on his roll down jeans as I tasted this rare delicacy. So many great quotes in this episode from Negro nut Creme de ON amber next Does the first time I read amber nectar and I turned that into my drag name you freaks came on a good day. If you have a favorite sex plastic Tuesday story that you remember and you would like to hear again, why not requested for an upcoming edition of crude summer you can always email me show at the store review. com our voicemail line free at 206-666-4463 I’m all over social media at distorted view on Twitter and Instagram facebook.com slash distorted view show and we haven’t Discord. It’s a cool way to meet and chat with other freaks. There’s a link to the discord on the main navigation bar over there a distorted view.com regular episodes of distorted view daily are Monday through Friday and I will be back next week with another installment of crude summer until then. Have a great weekend. Bye Thanks Just a quick final reminder devious crude summer is brought to you by Adamandeve.com for a limited time get 50% off just about any item plus a bunch of free stuff. A little something for him something for her and a third item you’ll both enjoy plus six free movies and free shipping on your entire order. Just remember to use coupon code freak FREAK at adamandeve.com

Music from https://filmmusic.io

“Lobby Time” by Kevin MacLeod (https://incompetech.com)

License: CC BY (http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/)