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On Today’s Show –
| Introduction | 0:00.000 |
| Happy Birthday, America! You Looking Rough | 1:03.853 |
| The “Woke” Crowd Hates Independence Day | 2:39.576 |
| A Made-For-TV-Movie About A Dead Kid | 5:47.643 |
| 80’s Commercial Announcers | 8:25.359 |
| Product With Letters And Numbers In Their Name | 11:38.769 |
| A New Screeching TikTok Has Been Found | 13:47.444 |
| Fecal Matter Vomitus | 17:41.724 |
| Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending | 22:35.648 |
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