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Rough Transcript:

Modern Thinking

[00:00:00] This is the Public Education Network. Coming up tonight on PEN at 7:30 scrapbook memories at 8:30, British humor comes to American Airwaves with “I Do Say!?” and at nine o’clock the public education network is proud to present the Branson, Missouri Playhouse production of The Last Stand of Kirstie Alley starring Glenn Close is Kirstie Alley and Kirstie Alley as towns person three, but first the bleh hard Wilshire award-winning news magazine: Modern Thinking next on p e n. funding for modern thinking is brought to you by The Corporation for Public Broadcasting and a generous Grant from the Levenge group who reminds you if you’ve recently had a colonoscopy rectal scraping [00:01:00] anus splicing or butthole Rejuvenation, and you notice your asshole is starting to fall out call the Levenge Grou.

You could be entitled to substantial compensation The Leverage group putting the pro in prolapse and by viewers like you. Modern thinking the ideas and Views shaping tomorrow’s news tonight. They distrus all authority from government officials to astronauts while some may scoff their message is starting to spread hear their story tonight modern thinking with Marsh Cuntley distrusting the government is not a New Concept.

But distrusting basic science facts. It’s a trend that’s gaining popularity. I’m Marsh Cuntley and tonight on Modern thinking. I travel across the US [00:02:00] meeting people spearheading a very unusual movement. I find myself at the base of the Allegheny Mountains meaning with Doug Gerken an amateur environmental scientist and a hobby pharmacist.

I love being out here look at it. I mean look at the birds in the trees nature. I don’t understand why these so-called scientists have to lie about what’s going on in the extra knots don’t get me started on them astronauts NOTS. That’s why I got me my gutting knife here. This is because they lie about the Earth being flat.

This goes Way Beyond flat earther Doug identifies as a post flat earther. Occasionally he will refer to himself as a false everything-er. As I continue to talk to Doug I begin to realize this man is insane. Rich people are living in the clouds. I’ve got the [00:03:00] blueprints you mean like their head is up in the clouds now.

They’ve got houses in cities on the Clow. What you think is rain is rich people piss and spit. They are showering us with their refuse, but why would rich people want to live on clouds Chemtrails government spraying down poor people it doesn’t take much to get Doug riled up after coming him down with some beef jerky.

I asked him about other conspiracies from the moment you’re born. You’re being lied to what’s the first thing you do when you go to school you learn about what they BC? I no such thing to look truly. You believe in the ABCs ABC d e f g a globalist in the Zionist came up with the ABC’s [00:04:00] to imprison us who stands to benefit from us reading, huh Publishers and all the biggest Publishers at Jews you ever hear the term Jew run media.

Yeah, and what about math? He you need some. I got some cooking up in the bathroom over here what I meant math. Oh, man. Oh, you sure do talk funny. No. Yeah math is a big lie to what’s Matthews for huh learning how to count money to Fork over to the Jew was very good. Since humans began to walk on the earth there have been idiots Any at all.

I’m in about two hundred years since we’ve been walking. I don’t think in the Bible before that we were birds come on. You know that Doug please back when we still had a shell on our backs, and we had skeleton Wings is not in the [00:05:00] Bible. I like to call our former selves Turtle Birds Doug Lynn Turtles can no longer fly.

Even if you stand on a roof and you throw them really really hard dog. Why do you think the number of false everything errs are multiplying? I numbers multiplying sure sounds a lot like math to me you do and handing over into my shackles to you not that it matters, but no I’m not Jewish I just playing with you.

I know you’re not a Jew that’s why you’re still alive. Don’t got me in touch with an assistant researcher at the false everything group the leading organization promoting the Post flat Earth message. Oh, you must be Mister Cuntley what a pleasure to meet you. I’m Doctor Professor Leland Jennings, Mr.

Jennings AB sorry. This is going to air a yeah, would you I mean said mister could you say doctor oh doctor Professor, you know, I’m sorry doctor Jennings shit, I’m. You forgot the [00:06:00] Professor Part I’ve never heard okay doctor. Professor Jennings yes on your livejournal blog you recently declared that your group discovered the greatest conspiracy ever kakka kakka kakka.

What what are you doing Do to childhood trauma  I lack the ability to laugh still  I recognize where it would be appropriate to kicker kicker kicker, would you like to elaborate on this new conspiracy, I’ll most def. Pay the greatest lie in the universe is space you may have thought you seen astronauts floating in space on the television, but these are deceitful lies.

I know this to be true because space is solid like a brick of moldy cheese or a black [00:07:00] brick and behind that. Black brick is an evil squid monster Nae you look up at the sky, and I what do you see you see the Blackness the Blackness of the moldy cheese space brick. But you also see specks of white those are the little cracks from the space monster trying to break through he’s whacking his tentacles up against the space Cheese brick.

Even more upsetting is the space squid is getting help from the Jews. Every time you see a rocket being launched into space it is merely a missile trying to break through the powerful space brick to let the squid monster free and begin his reign of terror. It’s only a matter of time in your opinion.

Is there anything we can do to stop the giant space [00:08:00] squid monster now. It is my professional opinion that we are all doomed if I were you I would all begin to pray and pledge allegiance to our great space squid, Overlord, and maybe he will spare your life. Oh great Calamargon. I bow down to you and kiss your slimy Tentacles.

Please show mercy and Grace. I am a worthless walking sack of dry meat while you are moist multi armed in all powerful. Oh hail Calamargon all hail Calamargon. What a bizarre surreal experience, that’s all the time we have for you tonight coming up on tomorrow’s program preparing for a life under Cosmic squid leadership converting your money to a seashell based currency.

And learning to love a [00:09:00] kelp diet tomorrow on Modern thinking. Oh hell Calamargon All Hair Calamargon