On Today’s Show:

Introduction 0:00.000
The Westboro Baptist Church Players 1:59.134
Tantric Urinary Orgasms 4:20.901
The Sensual Sting Of Pee In The Eye 13:07.061
Anal Desert Recipe – Butt Berries And Ca-Ca Cream 17:16.842
Checking In With Our Favorite Sub Slave Tit Pig 19:34.268
Sign Up For The Sideshow And Support DV 23:29.790
That Wasn’t Reindeer Poop On Your Patio Furniture 24:37.015
Overdosing On Tanning Injections 28:41.363
Mother Locks COVID Infected Child In Trunk 34:48.437
Voicemails: 206-666-4463 / Ending 38:33.209

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Quick And Dirty Transcript

Tim
It’s Monday, January 10, 2022 coming up on the program today, urinary orgasms. Let the stream of pleasure flow through you. Plus another dessert recipe made inside your asshole. A dumb teenager overdoses on tanning injections. Santa’s reindeer took a big fat deuce on your patio furniture. And now to perform a patriotic song. Please welcome the Westborough Baptist Church

Yes dimension back here with you to start a new week programs. Got a great show for you today. At the top of the podcast, we played a little bit of Wicked Land of Sodomite from the Westborough Baptist Church. Always a feel good song. We’ve actually played it a few times, but it’s always been an abbreviated, shortened version. The song actually clocks in at over two minutes. I like to keep it tight, though I feel a little wicked Land of Sodomite goes a long way. Although the entire song is pretty great here’s a little bit that I cut out for the intro. I don’t know why I should actually include it.

Tim
What could possibly rhyme with wrong

Tim
if you don’t know or don’t remember the Westborough Baptist Church. They’re the God hates fags Church. They’re obsessed with gay people. They think all gay people eat crap. They try to incorporate at least a line or two of feces eating in most of their song. Parodies, honestly, I don’t blame them in the least. I try to include butts or poop in all of my song parodies. You may recall my classic Journey spoof.

Tim
I really thought I was going to go home with a Golden Yankavik at last year’s Yankees. Apparently the Academy is not a huge fan of poop humor. I thought the lyrics were actually pretty smart when I say Stretch that behold and I stretch out the word behold. I mean that works on multiple levels. Christ, come on, my poop and butt humor is for the thinking man. Listen, as I stated, I’ve got a great show for you today. I think we’re done with the poop and butt content for a while, but it’s going to remain gross. This is Distorted View daily. After all, we have featured countless piss porn clips on the podcast, but we’ve also featured medicinal piss idiots. The people that drink urine because they think it cures illnesses. They’re dropping piss into their eyes, rubbing it into their skin. They think it’s magical, mystical. They call it their miracle water or whatever. If you don’t believe me, just search for urine therapy on YouTube. So let’s see here. There are piss porn videos on the Internet. Urine therapymedicinal pea videos. What if these two ideas were combined? The healing nature of urine mixed with the fun eroticism of water sports. Sounds like all the ingredients are there to start a weird sex cult and it appears there may have been one back in 2004. May I introduce you to Caressa Universal? They are a group of free wheeling, urine loving folks who wanted us all to experience the urinary orgasm. Now Caressa Universal doesn’t exist anymore. Their website was either shut down or they didn’t pay their Wix bill. Thanks to the Wayback machine in archive. Org, I can sort of see what they were up to back in 2004, according to the site, Caressa Universal is based on the experience of a tantric group with backgrounds in spirituality, science, and arts. In order to bring this principle to life, various tantric techniques which led to multiple orgasms are used. The main idea of our activity is sexual continents in all caps there. Apparently the idea of sexual continents is very important. See, I thought with like, sexual energy, you want to get it out. You want to be sexually incontinent, right? Just dribble your sex all over the place. Let it flow. Baby continents to me means that you keep it in. To be fair, I don’t know what the word continents means. I know what incontinence is. I just assumed it meant the opposite. I’m also a moron, though I could very easily just go to Google and look this up. Our continents. The ability to control movements of the bowels and bladder. Self restraint, especially with regards to sex. Oh, okay. So they’re not saying what I thought they were saying. The main idea of our activity is sexual continents. Control yourself. Sustain by real love. Sexual continents. The control of sexual energy. Oh, I should have just read on. There is an explanation of sexual continents. There. Sexual continents is the control of sexual energy. It means, oh, yeah, like tantric sex. Okay, you control it. You come when you want to come days after you start fucking. All right. The control of sexual energy is sexual continents. It means that the man doesn’t ejaculate during the erotic act and the woman doesn’t discharge her erotic potential. The basic squirt are we talking about squirt here? Don’t spray your lady juices until you’re ready. The basic technique that we use here, which leads to ecstasy, is the urinary orgasm that’s also in all caps. So that must be a very important term. Urinary orgasm. For the first time, you will see Tantra teachers in action. Extraordinary orgasm experiences. Tens of women screaming in a group urinary orgasm. Love scenes beyond every imagination. Endless P games. That sounds like the porn version of Squid games. And I am here for it. While they are presented in an attractive form and use an artistic language. These productions are, in fact, lessons for those willing to find out the profound secret of erotic ecstasy. So it’s porn. They’re selling porn videos. It’s all just sort of wrapped up in a spiritual shell. There. Now the unique combination of tantric practitioners and artists bring this revolutionary approach to your screen and to your lives. See our movies and definitely improve your erotic life forever. I would love to improve my erotic life. I don’t know if P is the answer. I don’t know if I’m willing to go there, but I’m going to keep an open mind. And Thankfully I’ve tracked down a few of Corssa Universals videos. I’ve got two P or not. Two P for ecstasy. I like the Rhyming. I can definitely appreciate that. The other video is Kingdom of Golden Pea. So let’s take a listen to this first one here. This is to P or not to pee. For the first time in the history of the world, a secret tantric society is breaking the silence. 100 initiated women are determined to prove the fascinating results of the urinary orgasm. The video that’s being played is just woman after woman lying around in nature, like in the grass or on Hills, on rocks, just laying back and pissing big, strong waterfalls, they dare to present a gigantic flood of peace, a unique ocean of lust. If these 100 women show you their true unfaked experiences, their spontaneous ecstasy. A group urinary orgasm which changes the erotic mood of the planet. That’s some Earth shattering pissing happening. It’s like in Ghostbusters. When they cross the streams, they’re not supposed to do that. It’s kind of like a last resort situation when they’re shooting at the ghost. Guessing that’s what happens when you get like 100 women all pissing on one another at once. The video is so weird. There’s no talking. Aside from that introduction, it’s literally just shot after shot of women writhing around in nature peeing. And I guess coming. I thought they were supposed to be orgasming just by peeing. The P is what’s getting them harder. The P is making. That’s what a P orgasm is. No, they’re slapping their cunt fingering. It rubbing it. I mean, yeah, there’s P involved, but you’re still coming the normal way.

Tim
She orgasms like an enchanted horse. Whoa, good girl. Easy.

Tim
The second video, which is Kingdom of Golden Pea, is a much of the same. The video starts off with not a narration but a bit of a warning or a statement saying all the States are 100% authentic. In this movie, the actors didn’t use any kind of drugs, alcohol or stimulating substances. The intense manifestations of the women that you see is based on the extraordinary power of the urinary orgasm. By the way, on the Caressa website, there was an events tab, so I’m guessing there was like seminars or sessions you could pay to attend to learn the tips and tricks to unlock the urinary orgasm within.

Tim
This is like a bunch of women sitting on ruins. This is like Athens or something. Is this a Parthenon? I have to think the Greek government would frown upon the activities taking place in this video. There’s like some pure mood soundtrack going on here. I know somehow Enya is involved with this. I think she’s trying to orgasm or urinate she may have some kidney stone she’s trying to pass.

Tim
Maybe she’s giving birth. Oh, no, that’s pee. But was it a urine orgasm? Yes, it was. This is all very confusing to me. I can’t tell if this is some actual New Agey bullshit, or is this just an artsy way to package piss porn? Make people who are into just watching women urinate feel better about themselves? If you think you know the answer voicemail into the show. 20, 6644 63. I want to hear from you. I wish I could say we’re done with the P portion of today’s podcast. Tom Twister. Unfortunately, and I swear to God, I didn’t have this planned. Someone in the Discord posted a couple of interesting videos that I wanted to feature last week, but I didn’t get around to it. They’ve been up in my web browser and I really want to get them off. So I thought we’d go over them today and sure enough, it has to do with P and come too. So it’s a little different in this clip. A man Jesus and peas and a couple of girls eyes. Bonus, there’s no new age music playing in the background. This is really for more of the hardcore piss freak, someone who doesn’t necessarily care about learning the tantric secrets to urinary orgasms. She just wants her eye. This is a nitty gritty bitch getting down to basics. I like the way she thinks

Tim
come prostitutes. I do appreciate that their eyes are very white, at least in the start of the video. So we’re really going to see how irritated their eyes get after the jizz and pee pee. Give them a chance.

Tim
See all of this pleading would just make me too nervous. I would lose my boner. It’s way too much pressure. Girls, if you want, come in your eye. That’s fine. Just kneel there. Hold your eyes wide open with your fingers and just be silent. Let me concentrate. I know. God, we love coming out. And

Tim
I feel like the director just told them to add Lib until he ejaculates. Just keep talking about how much of an eye whore you are. Floods right? Be fast forward here towards the end. He’s coming on us. Oh, there he goes. One of the girls get the majority of the come. The other one gets like a drop.

Tim
You can just hear it in their voices that they don’t mean that. This is so amazing.

Tim
They sound like a pair of low energy cock destroyers. Remember those girls? They were enthusiastic. We’re going to destroy your cock. We’re the cock destroyers. And these girls are like, Please, sir, may I have some more? Come in my eye.

Tim
Oh, God, about the peach. So amazing. They sound like YouTube influencers, don’t they? This new makeup by Jeffree Star is amazing. We love coming out. Are you going to pee or what? Well, there you go. That sound is like his piss hitting her eyeball.

Tim
Maybe they’re blind. And this is urine therapy. Is blindness, right?

Tim
You can tell because they’re bloodshot. I really feel that you’re in working. My blindness is going away. I’m starting to see light. I can make out shapes. I think this clip and the other one I have, which I’m going to play for you in just a second. Thankfully, it has nothing to do with Pete, but I think these were both submitted by Scum Hook. And you know how he’s, like, Australian or whatever. I think he was, like, searching out Australian women because every one of these Broads has accents. We’re going to be having some anal desserts. Remember when I was like, I think we’re done with the poop and butt stuff for the day I lied. I’m a big, fat liar. Never trust anything I say. Yeah, I think this is one of those videos where they whip up a dish in a butthole and then they’re like, they shit it out and eat it. Let’s see what is in this anal dessert. I see some whipped cream. I see some berries and cream. Berries and cream. Berries and cream. Anal dessert, which would be strawberries and whipped cream. I feel like you don’t even need to really incorporate the anus to make this dish.

Tim
Yeah, this recipe is just needlessly complicated. You could skip this step, actually. So they leave the strawberries in the bowl. They take the whipped cream, squirted up their asses, then shoot it out into the strawberry bowl. It could have just as easily just squirted the whipped cream on top of the strawberry. But. Okay, whatever. This is porn. I’m treating this like it’s a real cooking segment. She’s feeling a little full. Got the whipped cream and some gas in her butt. And

Tim
here is the other girl shitting out her whipped cream. She’s loaded up. She likes a little more cream with her berries. Okay, dessert just like mom used to make. I wonder which bowl is going to go to. Which girl like, is one girl going to eat the ass cream from the other?

Tim
They decide to feed each other their ass cream. Just try some of her ass cream. You appear to like it. The complete recipe can be found in this month’s Better Homes and Gardens. Finally, today, before we get into the news, I thought we would check in with an old friend. I am talking about pig slut. Norm. He has known all over the weird Internet. You may have seen pictures of him. He’s got a bra tattooed on his chest, just kind of like an outline. The word slut on his belly. He’s got the word pig on his forehead. He can be seen frequently wearing those tit suction cups. He’s always trying to give himself breasts. There’s kind of a famous picture of him on the Internet with him all tatted up looking super freaky with the caption, welcome to the Internet. I will be your guide. You may have seen that around. We’ve featured Norman for years. He’s growing a beard right now, which is kind of nice, I guess, for the holidays, maybe he had a side gig as a mall Santa. That’s a horrifying thought. Hide your kids anyway, if you want to see what this guy looks like, check out the chapter artwork I tried to find at least like a PG rated photo of him. Anyway, here’s what Norm has been up to. Just another big day in paradise. Pagan is Ted Cups. It’s been 2 hours. It’s time to get these babies off. It’s sucking on really tight, I’ll tell you. Yes, this is going to take a while to get them off. There we go. There’s one ticket off. Pop that on. Let me go for the second one. We’re

Tim
going to use Pig title. Pig Norman Summerton. Can you imagine tits on a pig height of his signature sound? He posts rather frequently on Twitter. He kind of degrades himself, he says. Here’s a recent tweet. Such a pathetic hog loser, Norm. Somerton in all its pig glory, squeal, hashtag, hashtag, chastity, hashtag masochist and also cage sadist control. Here’s another tweet

Tim
female supremacy.

Tim
You scroll through his timeline, you can find his Cocksucker ID card, which reads Norman Summerton nickname Pig about him seeking close, intimate friendship with other male pig creatures. Pig sucks cock and swallows. Come, come, cuddle. If you want to contact him, you have to go through his owner or whatever. Mistress Miss Kalicius. And then there are also photos of him just covered. His whole face is covered in gum. He likes to make his own memes like it’ll be a photograph of him slurping up, jizz with the caption Pig Norman. And on the bottom it reads Gum drippings. He really likes to be treated like a worthless piece of shit. Pig Norman Summerton. Pig such a fucking loser

Tim
loser. Pig Norman Summerton. You know, he’s rock hard when he’s saying that right here we have it. Piggy with titties. You get the piggy with titties. Aren’t they beautiful? 3 hours in the tape ups. Just another honest day’s work. Well, there you go, Norman Summerton. He seems to be doing well. And with that, let’s get into the crazy, bizarre twist.

Tim
Not a member of the Distorted View Sideshow What are you waiting for? Sign up. Become a true and honorable freak today. And when you do, you will grab this past weekend’s Sideshow exclusive episode. We did three Sideshow exclusive episodes last week. Go to superfreaksideshow. Com. Sign up right now when you do, you’ll gain access to the entire archive of programs. Been at this for, I believe, 17 years now. There are 4000 plus shows in the archives and again every week we do new exclusive shows. Memberships are very inexpensive, starting at six point $99 a month. This is how I make my living. So if you like to store and view daily support this nonsense, there are other ways to get exclusive shows as well. If you listen primarily or only through Spotify, you can sign up and get exclusive shows right from there. Same deal with Apple podcasts. Just search for Distorted View on Apple podcasts. You can see where you can subscribe it’s just like one tap. You buy it, boom, you get access. It’s super simple. So now there are a few ways to access Distorted New Sideshow content trying to make it easy for you guys. All right, three very quick stories. Now first stop. This one comes from Colorado. A family woke up to a disturbing surprise on Christmas morning. Feces scattered on their children’s picnic table and her scooter went missing. I think I would be more upset about the shit on the picnic table because I got to clean that up with the scooter. It’s like that sucks, but I don’t have to pick up Turds, the mother who wishes to remain anonymous. He doesn’t want any copycat poopers to visit her house. The whole neighborhood will be down here taking a shit on our stuff. The mother who wishes to remain anonymous said that she saw what happened after watching their ring surveillance video. I just saw a great ring video the other day. What was it was like a Mailman was annoyed because there was a fucking yappy dog in the yard. It was like fenced in, though, right? And so the Mailman had a package to deliver and some mail. And so the Mailman just took the package and threw it over the fence so it would land on the dog. Hold on here. I think I can find it in my history. On one hand, I’m like, yeah, it’s a real yappy dog. It’s super annoying. It needs to be put in its place on the flip side. This driveway is completely gated in. I don’t even think the Mailman could get up to the house if he wanted to. I don’t know where he’s supposed to leave the package, but he doesn’t really have to interact with the dog at all.

Tim
So here comes the package over the fence, and the dog is kind of dumb. It’s not like the Mailman threw it right. He gave the dog some notice. Like, hey, I’m going to drop this package. You should really move your stupid fucking pause.

Tim
And then the Mailman just puts the rest of the mail in the box. It wasn’t like a huge package. I mean, the dog’s. Okay, obviously it continues to bark at the Mailman afterwards. Doesn’t miss a goddamn beat. But still, I’m pretty sure the Mailman should be fired for that, right? Those ring surveillance cameras are great. My girls were laying in bed way past their bedtime, waiting to hear Santa Claus in his reindeers land on the roof. Just tell your kids it was reindeer shit on their picnic table. You look a little magical story. The reindeers pooped in our yard, as opposed to telling them the truth. Mommy has some enemies at work or honey, we live in a bad neighborhood. Those were homeless people taking a shit on your picnic table. Reindeer pellets sound way better, right? Anyway, my girls were laying in bed way past their bedtime, waiting to hear Santa and his reindeer land on the roof. My five year old went outside the next morning and saw it. She instantly told me not to worry. It had to have been the reindeer that pooped outside shared the mother. So that’s what the little girl thought. I wish she was right, but unfortunately we had a nasty mess to clean up. In the video, the man is seen walking up to the family’s porch, looking around and then dropping his pants to defecate on the picnic table. The man then moves around a few times with his ass. Was he squishing the shit into the picnic table? The man moves around a few times before pulling up his pants, looking around, and then he spotted grabbing the scooter and riding away on it. It wasn’t so much a getaway car. It was a shit away scooter. The woman said, quote, Someone has to recognize him, and I just want him to know how horrible that was. It was really stinky, poop and mushy. It would be one thing if it was like little Nuggets Bristol ones, if you will. I hope he is so embarrassed that he will never do that again. Shared the mother. A neighbor found the scooter down the street and returned it. I love those little local slice of life news stories. This is the type of stuff these are little anecdotes from Middle America. Second story we have for you today. I didn’t even know this technology or medicine or I don’t know what you would call this. I didn’t know this existed. I am a very pale individual. My skin tone is measured in lumens. I’m translucent. I’m very bright, and I desperately have always wanted to get a nice deep dark Tan. And if I’m out in the sun long enough all summer, I’ll get a little Tan. I’ll get a tiny bit of color, but at that point I just look kind of human. That’s the best I can get to. I don’t look sickly anymore. Apparently, though, there are, like these injections, you can give yourself to make yourself Tan. Golden Brown. One UK man wanted a shortcut to a Golden Tan, and instead he got skin damage. So maybe it’s best that I didn’t try this method. Dylan Wright, 28, is now warning against the dangers of tanning injections he once used. He claimed left him with the dry, sunspotted skin of a 60 year old. Well, I’ve got the hair of a 60 year old. Why not get the skin of a 60 year old? What’s there to lose? I say my skin will at least match the age of my hair. The freckles, a permanent reminder of his tanning faux paw even gave him a cancer scare. Quote, the doctors called me an idiot and told me it’s a side effect from the drug. But now I’m stuck with freckles, the Essex resident told Southwest New Service quote, I’ve got freckles like I’m in my 50s or 60s. He’s got liver spots. It looks like it feels like my skin’s aged. The self tanning shots use a lab made hormone called Melanotan. Don’t know Melanotan. I don’t know melanocan too to increase melanin production, but at the cost of moles and freckles. Oh, yeah. You don’t want something to give you moles those you have to check out for cancer. Before a 2014 trip to Spain, he purchased the injections for about £10. I think that translates to about $13. Not a bad deal. Way cheaper than a tanning package. He used it to amp up a soontobe beach glow. Wright gave himself two injections. I think that was really his mistake. He overdid it. One would have been enough. He gave himself two injections before heading to the airport to get a head start on his desired bronzed look. However, at the end of the six day vacation, his complexion was darker than he expected. I would say he looked at this point like an African American, but he has such white features, right? Even if he was painted Vanta black, you could still identify him as a white man. Looking back, he said he was probably supposed to only use one syringe but didn’t want to take another through airport security and was nervous. One just wouldn’t do the trick. I bought them before to make the most of the sun. I went on the sun beds a bit before the holiday but didn’t take the injections until just before I left. I was too scared to take them anyway. Last month he turned to TikTok to post a video of his beauty horror story. The video, which was posted in December, shows a photo from Wright’s holiday as he pokes fun at himself for getting a bit too crisp in the sun. Post Injections Again take a look at the chapter artwork. I will try to provide a picture that really illustrates how dark this little white boy got. It’s almost a hate crime. What he looks like? The video? I’m asked about 600,000 views and 230 likes, but also garnered comments from people horrified at how dark white skin looked so good. It altered your genetics, one person wrote. Others, though, actually asked where he got the injections. No, this is not a sponsored tweet. He’s not trying to sell anything here, all right. Yes. Others asked where he got the injections, apparently hoping to bump up their tans. I kind of want to try it. Wright, however, was quick to shut them down, warning of the after effects and the judgmental looks from others. But maybe people wouldn’t be as dumb as you injecting yourself multiple times with this stuff. And we were just like doing half a syringe full I just need something. I seem to recall in my 20s, I tried a bunch of weird shit, like I went tanning, but then I heard about tanning pills, and I tried those, but I can’t stick with anything. So I forgot about them. And I stopped after a couple of days. But apparently, I think one of the side effects of the tanning pills, it’s not even really a side effect. It’s the only effect of the tanning pills is that it doesn’t really give you a Tan. It just sort of turns your skin Orange. I think I would be okay with that, though. Again, any color is better than what I’ve got going on right now, he says. I was so embarrassed. People staring at me like I had something severely wrong with me. The bleached hair didn’t help. I look like a pint of Guinness. Halfway through his trip, he noticed how dark he was despite thinking the injections didn’t work because he bought them online. By the last day, he caught people staring at him. It looked really odd because I had this white top and white hair, and I think that makes it funnier, he said. After I saw the Photo, I thought, oh, my God, this is not cool because the injections make tanning more efficient. Being in the sun for 9 hours a day is like being in the sun for a week, every day. And that was the problem. When he returned back home, he refused to tell his parents what he had done despite their questioning about the abrupt change. Now Wright, whose excessive Tan has since faded but has some skin damage, the freckles and stuff. He’s now spreading awareness about the injections, urging people to do research into possible side effects. It’s really not worth it. There are safer ways to Tan, like fake tanning. It gave me a wake up call. It’s a classic case of being 20 and thinking you’re invincible. Yes, 20 year olds are morons. Final story we have for you today. Hey, let’s go to Texas,

Tim
all right? Just about everyone here in the United States has the Corona virus, right? It’s like a million new cases a day. Chances are at least someone in your house has it. So what do you do? How do you stay safe? You lucky little Childy. Little disgusting, filthy country in their bedroom. Let them fend for themselves for a couple of weeks. That may not sound very humane, but it’s way more compassionate than one mother in Texas, a Texas mom faces criminal charges after she allegedly stuffed her 13 year old son in the trunk of a car, all because he tested positive for Coke at 19 and she didn’t want to get exposed. Sarah Beam, 41, allegedly packed up her son and took him to a drivethrough coronavirus testing center in Houston on January 3, witnesses reported hearing noises coming from the back of Beam’s vehicle when she pulled up to the testing center at Ken Prince Stadium. So he wasn’t, like, quarantining in the trunk. She just stuffed him in there to take him to go get tested. I mean, that sounds more reasonable. I’m not saying I would do that to my kid, but I’m sure the thought would cross my fucking mind. This all went down. On January 3, witnesses reported hearing noises coming from the back of Beams vehicle. Bevin Gordon, the health services director at the site, asked Beam to open up the trunk. Ma’am, I need to see what’s going on there. Well, that revealed the teenager lying down inside. Beam, who has worked as a teacher in the Cypress Fairbank’s Independent School District since 2011, explained that she was trying to keep her son isolated. You couldn’t have just driven him with his head hanging out the window or something. I mean, I feel like there are other options. Take a pickup truck, have him ride in the bed of it. It’s Texas. I think that’s allowed over there. The mother stated that she put her son inside the trunk. You know what? Rent a fucking, Uhaul, put them in the back there. I mean, come on. The mom stated that she put her son inside the trunk to prevent her from getting exposed to possible covet while driving him to the Stadium for additional testing. Gordon told Beam that she and her son would not be tested until the teen was removed from the trunk and seated in the back seat of the car. Well, I’m sure the woman put up a big stink there. He then promptly called the police. The school district runs the testing site and has its own police Department, which investigated the incident. Cop said the child was not harmed. Really? Not even a sore neck from being stuffed in there. Surveillance footage from the testing site shows Beam opening the trunk and her son climbing out. The Cypress Fairbanks Police Department said a warrant was issued for Beam’s arrest Friday for child endangerment. Beam mostly worked as a teacher at Cypress Falls High School. Guess what? She’s been placed on administrative leave now she’s probably going to get fired. She’s going to get evicted and she’ll be living out of her car, assuming Child Protective Services don’t take the kid away from her. His bedroom might just end up being that very same car trunk. Isn’t it ironic? Don’t you think that is irony, right? Or is that Alanis Morissette’s definition of irony? Not sure that, my friends, is your distorted news for Monday? Let’s do a couple of voicemails and get the hell out of here. I love to hear from you freaks. And there are many ways to contact the show show at distortedview. Com. That’s my email address. I’m all over social media at Distorted View on Twitter and Instagram. Facebook. Com. Distortedview Show don’t forget, we’ve got a discord where all the freaks hang out. They post a lot of great stuff. Links to Distorted View worthy videos. They have great chats. They watch TV shows together. It’s a whole thing happening there, and it’s absolutely free. There’s a link on the main navigation bar over there at distortion. Com. Hey, let’s check in with a few of my patrons. These are freaks who pledge at least $5 a month over there at Patreon. Comdisorder. View just another way to help the show out. You can pledge as little as a dollar over there. Definitely appreciate all you guys for supporting the program. If you pledge $5, you get access to a special voicemail line. I will play your calls first. I stumble through that. Yes, Colin. Hey, can I go to this larger in California, the purveyor of audio excellence and the spoken word. I can certainly understand that you’re probably frustrated when the English language doesn’t have a word that specifically means what it is you’re trying to describe listening to the Butt Belching episode, and I feel your frustration. There is no word in the English language that actually means like forcefully expelling gas from yourself. It really is an inadequate language. I agree. I was looking for a word for butt belching, actually forcefully expelling gas from your ass. Right, fart, I see what you’re making fun of me, but belching is different. I don’t know. How did I just really forget about the word fart? I was looking for a word to describe butt belching, and I couldn’t come up with one. I’m going to have to go back and listen to that episode of DV. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me. Hey, Tim, this is professional casual on the discord. Loving your shows recently. Very funny stuff. You’ve been doing great work. I got to talk to you about Haley’s comment. When he called in, he said he’s not a sub and he’s a dad. And he put on that voice made me cringe much. Haley’s comet. Are you sure that was the real Hailey’s comment? But I’m sure that’s going to get all those that really hate you really upset. So good job on that anyway. Love you, Tim. Lot of fake Haley’s comments calling in recently. Hey, Timothy, it’s meowdes. I actually have a question for one of the listeners. I was getting caught up this past weekend and Hachimachi called in and said on the 20th that it was his birthday. Do you know how annoyed I am that I’m not a part of this conversation? I’m just supposed to sit back and just play this, let you talk to someone who’s not on the other end. And I realized I had a good question for you. My son. His birthday is also on the 20th, and I’m trying to figure out like, what did you do growing up to try to separate that from Christmas? If you guys even celebrate that because we’ve tried something for a few years. He was born a few years ago, and I don’t know. It never seems to really get separated from Christmas. I’m just curious what you guys did. Thanks. Can I talk now? Are you guys done with your conversation? Great. Thanks. Now we can continue on with this fucking show where I’m entertaining hundreds of thousands of people. But by all means, let’s just put everything on pause so two people can have a little convo. Good God, I hate all of you. All of my listeners. They’re a big pain in my ass. Although I would like to know the answer. People that have birthdays so close to Christmas, that must be hard for you. Even if you get a big birthday celebration on December 20, you feel like you’re getting jipped, right? You get your birthday present and you’re like, you know, they’re holding out. They’re spending the big money on the Christmas presents. Or vice versa. You get an awesome birthday present and they’re going to skimp out on the Christmas presents. It would be so hard not to always think that.

Tim
No, I can’t do this today with you. No, your phone is just atrocious call back again. Hello. This is Lucille. I’ve never called in before. You guys were talking about peanut butter ice cream and about how you can’t find a Baskin Robbins anywhere. I get my Baskin Robbins at my local Safeway. Or I suppose you guys probably have Bonds or Albertsons, whoever. Heck, it is over your direction. Well, I mean, Jimmy boost direction anyway, that’s it. What the hell you’re talking about? I have a Baskin Robbins near me. It’s not super close, but it’s around. Are you talking to a listener? Are you having a conversation with a listener? Lot of private chat taking place on the voicemail line today. I don’t like it. Yes, Tom. Hi, Tim. This is Turbo with an X Turbo. I just finished listening to. Oh, no, wait, guys, I got to see here. If he calls back, he called once and I didn’t play that call. Then he played this one. This was the good call, and he fucked up. And then he called a day later. Let’s see what observation he’s making a day later. Let’s see if he can get his complete thought out. Hey, Tim. Turbo with Max here. Turbo. I have a question first. Why does everyone hate unicorn hamster so much? I think it’s his voice. He’s kind of weird, but so is everyone who calls in. I know the people I really hate are the people who go on and on about their Teslas. It’s like, good that your cars don’t produce emissions because you’re producing a lot out of your ass when you sit there and farts assholes. And then I just finished. You saw that Maya Rudolph, the actress in the SNL character, not character cast member or whatever. She’s in Bride’s AIDS and stuff. She got into a car wreck. She hit a tree with her Tesla. I don’t know if self driving was enabled or if she was drunk or something who knows, but she hit a tree hard enough that the airbags were deployed. I don’t know. It’s listening to October 18, 2021 Side Show the one with the guy who goes into the Wiener Circle and gets all racist. Oh, yeah. And my only thought was, hey, it’d be funny if Mead skeleton went in there. That was Mead skeleton. No, it wasn’t Meat skeleton. But, yeah, I would totally chip in money to fly me to Chicago or whatever and film him at the Wiener Circle, getting verbally abused by the people that work there. Oh, that would be fantastic. All right, let’s start a GoFundMe or Kickstarter or something. That is all the time we have on this edition of the program. Once guys, team movies. Distorted view. Com distorted view. Com is our official website voicemail line for you. 206-66-4463 That’s 20666 oh, God, is it? Oh, God. A gigantic flood of people, a unique ocean of lust. Read the distortion STD. Tell all your friends about the show. Don’t forget to write us and review us wherever you can. Criticize Podcasts Tomorrow’s episode is going to be Sideshow exclusive. If you want to hear it, you got to sign up. Otherwise, I’ll see you back on Wednesday. Until then, have a great day. Bye, everybody.

Tim
Hey, Franks. It’s Monday, January 10, 2022 Shit. This has been another excellent podcast from Straw Media Group. Learn more at straw. Net.